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Just wanted to tell someone

by LittleFishBigFish

I’m probably going to kill myself tomorrow. The anxiety is getting too much for me to handle and I can’t do it anymore. I live day to day but now that life is trying to get me to move beyond that, I simply cannot follow. I’d rather die instead than live with this pain. Physical and emotional.

I love my boyfriend so much, I love my friends but they have to understand that I just cannot keep living anymore. What’s the point of trying to continue when all it does it just get worse and worse. Like what was said in Prozac Nation, people are supposed to put a band-aid on their wounds and keep going. That’s coping, isn’t it? Well yes I can put the band-aid on, but I can’t ignore the pain it brings.

I can only live day to day and I can’t be a productive member of this society. I cannot change the world and I cannot live amongst normal human beings anymore. I’d say I’m sorry but you all know that I’ll be happier when I’m gone – I want be her problem anymore, my boyfriend won’t have to worry about me, in fact no one will. I’ll just be a memory that you’ll reflect on once in a while, recollections of your time with that idiotic suicide girl.

I can’t do this anymore.

~ …

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2 comments

The Koji 2/16/2014 - 9:39 pm

What do you mean by life wants you to move beyond living day by day?
Why can you not follow?

I understand your reason to die. You want to die because simply the pain has became too overwhelming. It normal, usually when the weight of pain surpasses the resource and coping mechanisms for pain, the best solution humans seek is self desteuction. The solution is not always death. Sometime yes, but you really have to give your self a realistic evaluation about your prognosis in life.

You quoted a quote from Prozac Nation saying, “People are suppose to put a bandaid on their wounds and keep going right? That coping right?”

There are no such things as bandaid fixes for wounds. If you simply choose means to numb or distract yourself so you can ignore the wound is only going to make the wound hurt more. Its going still be there no matter how hard you ignore. Its going to fester infection and disease the rest of the body. These wounds do not need bandaids but stitches.

The Koji 2/16/2014 - 9:45 pm

Stitches that not a doctor can apply but yourself. Your doctor here and its your choice to stitch yourself back up. Its going to hurt. It will be painful but tackling the wound directly will lead to its recovery. Yes there will always be scar and you will always remeber that wound. But let that scar be a riminder that you can overcome.

You have people who care about you. You can live amongst human beings. You have friends and another person to share your live with. You may not change the world but then again noone can. But you can change the world for one person in life by being there for them and helping them when I need.

You cannot honeslty speak for your boyfriends behalf after you die. You will not know the pain you will cause and he will not just forget about you. Your death im pretty sure will haunt him and leave much guilt for him. Talk to your boyfriend about your pain. Allow him to care Nd be there and five you hope.

You can do this.

There is support here if you need it as well.

Take care.

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