Reaching the end of my life

February 19th, 2014by bcl

I’ve suddenly found myself in a situation where my life is about to come to a full stop. I’m 29 years old, hold a Master’s degree, and was previously living a very good life. After graduate school I got a job working in a niche consulting firm. I was there for a little less than two years and decided to quit because I was unhappy on a daily basis. Instead of finding a new job before quitting, I impulsively decided to travel the world for three months and come back without any plan. After coming back from my trip, I was offered a great consulting position that was temporary. This position ended last month. Since then I’ve found it impossible to find a job. Over a month ago I started having anxiety attacks and fell into a deep, deep depression. My savings is rapidly being depleted. I have $43,000 in student loans that I’ll never be able to repay. I’m going to run out of money in a few months. I look for jobs all day everyday and there’s nothing I’m qualified for. I’m overqualified for low-paying jobs, so that’s not an option. I’m very close to being homeless without any prospects of ever getting a job. To make matters worse, my younger brother and sister live with me — so they’re going to go down with me. We don’t have any family left — it’s just the three of us. My plan is to move out in a few weeks and give them all the money I have left, which will probably be less than $7,000. I’m then going to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. I wish there were some other way out of this but there isn’t. I’ve already been to graduate school, so going back to school isn’t an option. I have no family to fall back on. I have great friends, but they can’t support. I’m almost 30, so I’m in a weird place where I should already be in an established career. There is no way out of this other than suicide or homelessness. I could be homeless for a while, but I’ll eventually die from hunger. If I can’t find a job when I have a home, how am I going to find one when I’m homeless? I really don’t want to die. Everyday I cry about not wanting to die but there’s no way out. It’s a really scary place to be. Now I’m in the process of figuring out the most painless way to go since jumping of a bridge still seems terrifying.

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