Suicide has always been plan B.

The only thing that keeps me living is knowing that at any moment I can choose plan B. I would go  crazy otherwise. I’ll eventually do it anyway. You can’t fire me. I can quit. Why stay at a job you hate. I think its funny when people say don’t kill yourself. You will go to hell. Don’t you want to go to heaven? Lmfao. I know there is a hell and you don’t have to die to visit it either. It’s not that I want to die. Just wish I didnt have to be around another minute to suffer through it more. I don’t live. I exist from one rolling tragedy to the next. I’ve been hurt so much I’m numb to all but pain. In a sick way I cling on to it because that is all there is. The other option is to feel nothing at all. To be numb to withdraw and have the thousand yard stare. I guess I understand cutting.  I don’t need a knife. My mind has a sharpened sword and I am the cutting block. The only thing that makes me smile is the thought of being dead. The preassure of my everyday life is too much. The breaks are always sticky to the end. Here comes my stop. FML. I’m tired.  This is where I get off. Is life worth living if every day is just more pain ? Every day since I started school has been worse than the day before. Every day you talk to me is on the worst day of my life. Guess what I get to look forward to tomorrow? The next worse day of my life. The only decision in life that is entirely your own is to kill yourself.  To be or not to be… Now that is the question