this is more than a war in my mind

Weird, i never thought i’d encounter someone from the same country here, had to look back on some of your posts to see if it was true, lol.

I didn’t really understand much why you feel like you do (even reading to your previous posts) but looks to me like you should look for real help like you mentioned in some of your posts. You have been posting from time to time for years, so i don’t think it’s something simple that might solve itself in a magic way… drinking and cutting won’t help much either, even if drinking is like the most used “solution” by teenagers in our country, haha.

Keep in mind tho, you say the last 3 years have made you who you are… you are still 16-17? trust me, you still have a long way to realize who you are… just hang in there, you still have lots of things to live for, and as i said, try looking for real help.