Acceptance

I want my family and those who cared to forgive me. I’m very sorry for what I’m going to do. I just want their lives to go on, and have them forgive and forget. I’m not sure if I should write anything down it might make it harder to understand if I don’t, but it might be more upsetting if I adress anything or anyone. I want them to know it’s my fault I’m a difficult teenager. It’s not worth living anymore and I’ve been selfish most of my life. I’ve always thought I was doing right, but really I’m doing wrong. It would be very selfish if I were to continue on. I know I don’t say it much- don’t remember ever saying these words but I do love my family and those who cared, even though it may have seemed like I didn’t. It saddened me deeply that with the loss of a loved one not too long ago how all would gather and hug and I was not hugged. I wasn’t jealous- I just finally realized how difficult and unloveable that I am. That was a really hard slap of reality-and I’m glad I understood and took it the way I was supposed to- with just pure acceptance and understandment. I need to know that they can handle the acceptance of this choice though. But I’m not asking that they understand.  I asked for a sign that this is the right choice-and I received it.