Every damn time

I’m a lost cause in this world like basically everything falls apart for me like my friends on Xbox live have a problem with me for some reason and I didn’t do fuck all. Why does my life even exist like nothing good comes out of it and anything good comes into my life goes away too. My friends lives seem to be going good so good for them but I’m left behind I’m poor, short, skinny, disabled and no girl finds me attractive so fuck me right I just want someone to be with someone I can be happy with and someone who respects me enough not to cheat on me or use me.

Today made me think of all this right so I’m at the bar with my dad at his meet people thing having drinks hoping they can make me forget who I am for a while but no one my age is there like my dad is having a blast I’m stuck at our table watching a ” thanks for ordering pay for view ” line on the TV. Then the dance thing begins I’m still alone at the table so I just grab my coat and walk outside for some air and I ended up ruined my streak for not smoking. This night made me realize that my life is insignificant compared to others and there are to many reasons why I am like that for example I haven’t had a relationship last more then 2 months.

My life is simply pathetic and insignificant I’m just a face in a crowd and nothing more if I die now who would notice other then my family? NO ONE that’s who. The thought of suicide always goes through my head I think of methods and stuff like that but I’m a coward for not being able to do it even though I have the knife to my throat I just can’t finish the job. I’m tired of being singled out by other, I’m tired of being called names and I’m tired of being alone I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up. I just wanna take that gun load it and pull the trigger to put an end to my pointless, pathetic, insignificant and waste of time life no one can save this forgotten soul it died years ago so either I pull the trigger or I pray that someone will for me.