If your reading this i just need to get this out
I miss feeling loved, needed or cared about. Â I had this freidn that would make me fill like I was the most special person on the world that I was worth more than a million bucks. Â But now I think I’m obsessed over this girl. Â We were so close, both helping each other with life and our difficult pasts. Â But then someone close to her died and she just stopped caring about me. Â WE use to write letter to each other every day but when i mention them to her you think they were the a disease. Â We barely talk anymore and when you do you never thing she had once called me her saviour her guardian angle her sister. Â Yet she says everything the same that she still cares about me that she just to busy with school. Â But i can only believe her for a little before i stop convincing my self then admit to my self she lying. Â SHE promised to never lie to me. Â Yet I know she is she doesn’t look at me the same way any more like she use to she doesn’t ask how I’m doing or about the cuts and scars on my arm. Â I’d do anything for this girl, give my life if i had to. I love her more than iv loved anyone else I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and i know I’m young and have the my whole life ahead of me but I don’t think its possible to love anyone more than i loved her because if it was my heart would explodes. Â My life is meaningless with out her no joy or happiness i littler cried the last 6 months none stop i can’t go to school can’t work I’m just taking up time and space. Â I need a way out i need to end it my life has already ended when she stopped being my friend now I’m just here, meaninglessly living. I;m already dead in the inside i just need a way to be dead on the out side to
2 comments
Further proof that it’s better to never know these feelings than to have felt them at all?
It’s must be really hard to overcome being that close to someone. I guess you just hope someone else comes along that cares.
Your friend experienced a profound loss, and such a loss can have a life-altering effect on people. It might be possible that she was not capable to address your feelings and give you the attention you crave while she was grieving. She probably still is grieving.. imagine how it might look to put side to side suffering from lack of attention and suffering from losing a loved one. Doesn’t the former look a bit selfish to you?
Instead of cutting yourself to gain her sympathy, and indulging in your feeling of abandonment, why not support her in her grief?