I was hospitalized again this past week. A friend was worried about me ad had the police called on me and now I’m home and back on the medications.
Do I still want to cut?
Of fucking course I do.
I left my boyfriend of four years and so stupidly ran into another without even really thinking. All I knew is that I didn’t want to kill myself just yet and if I have someone here, I might not. But now it’s getting to the point where I don’t even know if I can handle a relationship right now. I am very committed in my relationships and it’s clear to me that he might not be. But we’ve made an agreement. He stops flirting with other girls and I stop cutting. I think that’s fair, right?
We’ll see.
I just hope he remembers when I tell him I’m not afraid of death. There really is no point in me being here anymore and I will leap at the nearest opportunity to finally eradicate myself and claim myself to be happy.
But I love you and everything should be okay now, right?
1 comment
This is just my view on this matter but it sounds like you are putting your trust in another human being, that is not good. We all fall short, that is God’s judgement on us all and I would not argue with that. maybe you need to count your blessing and realize you are well off even if this guy flirts. Maybe you need to visit your local hospital and spend some time in the cancer wards and see what it means to have no hope. No One Is Righteous.
9 What then? Are we Jews[a] any better off?[b] No, not at all. For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, 10 as it is written:
“None is righteous, no, not one;
11 no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
12 All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.â€
13 “Their throat is an open grave;
they use their tongues to deceive.â€
“The venom of asps is under their lips.â€
14 “Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.â€
15 “Their feet are swift to shed blood;
16 in their paths are ruin and misery,
17 and the way of peace they have not known.â€
18 “There is no fear of God before their eyes.â€
19 Now we know that whatever the law says it speaks to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be stopped, and the whole world may be held accountable to God. 20 For by works of the law no human being[c] will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin.
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25 whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. 26 It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.
You need to see how wonderful your life is before you get to the point before you start thinking there is no hope. I am not saying some can take their life and some can’t like there is some kind of league of bad situations and you don’t qualify but you are just in a bad relationship, maybe you are going through this so you can be with someone and be a mother. Life is serious please count your blessings. Please forgive me if I have completely misunderstood your situation.