As I contemplate this thing called life I can’t help but get Sad, Furious, and frustrated. Why would anyone put me on this planet let alone birth me. I DONT WANT TO BE HERE does anyone understand. Cause if you do thats great. I’m pissed off and unstable with emotion right now so I put into my writing. I don’t want anyone knowing my secret. Although plenty do so why not just say it, the world knows anyways. Everyone knows everything because that’s how it is.
This world is not hell. hell is something we walk around with all our lives. It’s basically in my back pocket everyday of my life and the more I talk about/think it. The more it seems true. I want to die I really do, but I know if I don’t stay there will be things I’ll miss out on. So before I die I want to do everything I’ve never done. I’m not invincible or unstoppable but I “stay strong” to survive this world. I think the worst thing in life is when your realize how alone you really are. I feel like such a disappointment to the world all the time, I feel that I could do better in everything I do.
How many times have you heard “Be Happy” or “Smile More” , “Are you okay?”, “You Seem Sad…”, “Is Something Wrong”, “I’m here for you when you need me”. cause for me it’s a shit ton. And my only answers “I am”, “I do *smiles*”, “I’m good *smiles*”, “Happier then ever *smiles*”Not at all everything perfect *smiles*”, “Ill keep that in mind *smiles*” ;we haven’t talked since like 2nd grade chick.
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Yes I understand that you DO NOT WANT to be on this fucked up planet because neither do I. I was born horribly afflicted, moreso than any person I have ever seen. Every time I open my eyes in the morning I am horrified just by my actual existence. I can’t imagine why anyone would birth me and why they keep me here and they won’t let me die. I can’t imagine why anyone would bring anybody into a world like this full of unbearable pain.
I will never forget a day I was in school about 10 years old. Keep in mind I was a massively facial disfigured and brain damaged child and everyone hated me. We started the morning with all the students of the whole school together in the gym which always traumatized me, all these beautiful intelligent, normal people surrounding a poor tiny hopeless disfigured me. Me lost in a sea of everything I will never have. Me, humiliated. And when we’re finally dismissed from the gym and I’m suffocating with humiliation, an idiot teacher calls me out, points to me and shouts “SMILE”. Keep in mind I am ready to burst into tears. And that is life. People who have it all, shouting “SMILE” to those who are greviously afflicted in ways they cannot comprehend, like waving a giant middle finger in their face. Just smile! Forget you’re disfigured, forget you’ll never have a life, just fucking smile goddamn you and be grateful that you exist for us all to spit on.
I can totally relate to you
I dont understand why i was born.I have no purpose in life.Everyone HATES me.Iam bullied since kindergarten.This place sucks.Everyone sucks
just know I would have been your friend , all the brats in world who believe everything is perfect sickens me. I’m tired of peoples bullshit. I was bullied to for a while in elementary they called me names and pushed me around, I then started to bully these girls I knew. We’re now nice to eachother but she kinda mean to others.
Anyways like I said I’m tired of bullshit. Thanks for understanding. And I would still be your friend now. Yeah that whole Just Smile thing, I want people to understand no matter how much people like us try to fucking trick ourselves, we’re not happy and that’s that.
And to Wantdeath. Thanks everyone does suck in there own little way. I don’t hate but I don’t know you so that’s why. I’m sure your a cool person.
Crimson: you are right. That’s all I can say. Life has a certain standard of requirements for happiness. You have to have your basic physical, emotional, mental needs being met in order to have a chance of happiness. Sometimes a person has absolutely no way of having basic needs met. For instance with me there is nothing they can do to give me a normal face or to undo all the damage inside of me that happened from genetic mutation. A decent looking face and a decent state of health is absolutely essential for happiness. And that is something I cannot obtain.
Most people are deluded. They might be happy but they are deluded. People only come to their senses when they are forced to experience what it is like to have quality of life ripped out from under them.
“Most people are deluded. They might be happy but they are deluded. People only come to their senses when they are forced to experience what it is like to have quality of life ripped out from under them.”
^this. That’s why it’s called “a rude awakening.”
Most people have some level of self delusion. Look at professional fighters. Every single one of them believes they’re going to win a fight no matter what the odds are and if they didn’t have that level of self delusion, then they’d have lost the fight before even getting in the ring. Self delusion can be a hindrance, true but it can also be an asset too. Without it, where do we end up? Places like here.
Perhaps, but what do you do, once you fully realize that you are indeed deluding yourself, and that what you hope to attain or achieve, is *literally* impossible?
To continue performing the same actions, hoping to produce different results (ie: the impossible), is insane. Even worse: it’s not going to produce the impossible. And so all that energy wasted on insane and deliberate self-delusion, is only going to cause more pain, and without producing what motivates the enduring of those pains.
The real reason we end up places like here, is because we have no solution to the problem we’ve discovered.
I can almost guarantee, any one of us who suddenly encounters a viable solution, will immediately employ it, and improve their own lives (viability implies sufficiently satisfactory improvement).
“I can almost guarantee, any one of us who suddenly encounters a viable solution, will immediately employ it, and improve their own lives (viability implies sufficiently satisfactory improvement).”
That’s a bit of a catch 22. Most people who come to places like this have little to no self delusion. They don’t look on the ‘bright side’ of life…….ever. No optimism but realism which eventually leads to pessimism. And the pessimist will always see difficulty in every opportunity while the optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.
Oh wat genetic mutation do u have.?im suffering as wel froma medical condition.
The optimist is a “self-deluder”, the pessimist is what’s inside us all. It’s when it comes out that we’re truly fucked. I’m already a pessimist so I’ve passed that stage. People who come on here have passed the “everything will turn out fine” stage, that’s long gone.
Crimson, I completely agree which is why I say a certain amount of self delusion can be essential to our survival. Without a bright outlook on life, all you want to do is curl up and die.
As for my medical condition, I lost my spleen due to non hodgkin’s lymphoma.
I have a genetic mutation that is rare enough that doctors are not sure of a name for. Skeletal, skin and organ deformities