This is the beginning of my end, it is all my fault so I blame no one even though my parents and friends will all blame themselves. I’ve been researching the best way to end my own life for a few days now but I can’t decide which way I want to accomplish the deed. I think I am going to try helium, it sounds the easiest and least painful way (even though I probably deserve to feel pain since I am such a disappointment to everyone). I have plans to visit the local party store to rent a helium tank as well as acquire the rest of the supplies I’ll need. I also plan on taking several sleeping pills, maybe smoking some pot and handcuffing myself somehow so when I fall unconscious I don’t rip the bag open. I think I have everything planned out and I am ready to end my life. I’ve already worked out my notes, I just need to finish writing them.
I’m not going to give you my backstory, all that matters is that I want to die and I believe that people who want to die should be able to. I know I will be causing my family and friends great pain that I can not begin to fathom, which I will never be able to forgive myself for. But I honestly want to die, so much so that it hurts. I have completely given up on living, some people just weren’t cut out for life and I am one of them. I hope that when I finally accomplish ending my life that I will finally find peace and will finally be happy. It will probably be a little while before I finally do end myself, but I am completely committed to this. Goodbye everyone and even though I have never met you, I love you all and wish you all the happiness in the world.
9 comments
You have so much to live for please do not commit suicide. I feel the same way you feel , you just need to pray to Jesus and ask him to help you and all will get better. Your life is so precious , God put you on this earth for a reason, God and Jesus love you. I hope you feel better and please pray
Love, brittany
Would you please give life another chance?
I bet that felt good to get off of your chest, you should post here more often. It’s helped me more than any doctor or medicine ever has (save for MJ).
Time won’t heal your wounds, and it won’t fix your problems; however, the longer you persevere, the more sense everything begins to make, and you can put what you’ve learned into practice.
Have you seen the entire metaphorical forest? Or are there still some metaphorical trees obstructing your perception?
Hope to see you around again soon!
It felt great to get it off my chest. I have been thinking about suicide since I was in middle school, I am 23 now. I’ve thought about this for a long time but have never attempted anything, but I am determined to do this. I know my parents, siblings and friends will be devastated, scarred for life perhaps, but I have completely given up on life.
Please don’t do this
It’s none of my business, I know, but I’d love to know why you’ve given up on life and have had ideation since middle school… And geez, LG, 23? You poor thing. People don’t deserve to have those feelings at 23. We’re still being molded (whether we like it or not) by striving for our total independence in our society. We’re too easily broken at those ages.
I attempted in my mid-20’s, too. I’ve heard from many that 20-30 are the “hardest” years of your life.
*e-hug*
I’ve given up because it is exactly like you have said, I’ve been broken. I am in college with a major that I don’t like and I am failing. Why don’t I change majors? I cannot afford to, I am in debt up to my eyes and I will never be able to pay it back. Besides that I am nothing but a burden and a waste of space and resources. I have never belonged here, no matter how hard I try to fit in I just can’t. I’ve never succeeded at anything. My older brother got all the brains, my younger brother got all the good looks. As for me I got absolutely nothing. My parents say they are proud of me, but I don’t deserve it. My friends always seem to forget about me, after a while I cease to exist because they have moved on and found other people. I was always bullied when I was younger, laughed at, pushed around, called names, excluded from everything…forgotten. So yeah I know this sounds like a poor excuse for wanting to end it all, I know there are millions of people out there who have it a million times worse than me and yet they continue to live on and somehow be happy. Every night before I close my eyes I pray that I never wake up, or that when I’m driving some drunk driver will crash into me and end my life. How many times I have fantasized about this I cannot recall. I know all of this sounds pathetic and stupid, like I am some spoiled little child, but this is how I truly feel and I truly want to die.
Lost Girl I understand your pain, frustration and I know you are desperate, but there is one more way you have not considered, and trust me when I say there is a WAY. It’s mystic, forged by the gods through the hands of the universe. When problems can’t be solved naturally, there are supernatural means of getting what we want, e-mail me: cliff.mystic@yahoo.com, cliff.mystic@gmail.com
im not gonna say find god or all that but you dont need to die yeah your in dept so are many of us but you can still be happy maybe you should move somewhere new thats my problem stuck where I dont want to be im only 17 so your all older than me and may know more but you shouldnt die I dont know you but I love you, my dad killed himself wen I was 2 and I blame myself since im the youngest maybe I was to much maybe if I wasnt born he would b alive but ive gone off topic I know you want to die but the damage in doing so could destroy your,friends and family so I beg you dont commit suicide