Can’t off myself. Nosy-ass neighbors would call 911

I really need to rant. I’m 4 days away from the anniversary of the murder I witnessed and I am fucked up.  The last thing I need is nosy-asses in my life.

My nosy-ass neighbors will not stop getting into my business. I am well deep into planning my own demise, but I’ve determined that I certainly can’t hang myself from a tree because these fuckers would call the cops. I swear, they know more about my life than I do. They’ve often remarked that they noticed my bedroom light was on. Really? Why the fuck is that their business??

I can’t go into my fucking yard without them coming the fuck outside and bothering me. It goes something like this: I go outside with my headset on and am jamming away, trying to get some fucking peace, and the next thing I know, one of these assholes is out there yelling me in this high-pitched-obnoxious as hell voice at me.

“Elllllll-ennnnnnnnn, do YOOOOOOOOOOU neeeeeeeeed anythiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnggggggg?”

Imagine that with a scratchy, piercing high pitched voice that sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard. I swear to god this what happens. Aren’t the fucking headphones, the sunglasses and the fact that I’m fucking working in my yard tell you that a) I’m fucking fine and b) I want to be left the fuck alone? Seriously? Don’t I look fucking fine? If you see my hanging from a tree, THEN you can ask if I need anything or if I’m ok. I pretend to ignore (really, at full blast on my headset I can still hear that shit) and walk back inside. I can’t enjoy my yard. I have to go to the park to be left alone and that’s fucking bullshit.

What IS it with people who have to have their noses up everyone else’s ass? Why the fuck can’t they just go away? Why do they think they have the right, or the obligation, or whatever to mind anyone else’s business but their own? I want o scream back – I mean, go AWAY. Go to church… you’re Catholic – isn’t it lent? Aren’t you supposed to be in church? Why don’t you give up fucking with me for lent? Go to hell! Go visit your sister in Montana or wherever! Go to the fucking moon (and stay there)! Go fuck the president of the USA! I don’t care what the fuck you do…. JUST. LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

I swear I don’t own a gun because if I did, I’d be tempted to use it to threaten them away. (I couldn’t kill anyone except myself). But that would probably land me in jail and I’d rather be dead than in prison. 

Seriously. I just need to be alone and deal with the memories of the murder like I do every fucking Easter. (And no, they don’t know about that.) For reasons I will never understand, I heal when I’m alone. It’s the way I was made and I’m grateful.

Damn nosy ass neighbors from hell. I really, really want to hang myself, but goddammit… because of these fuckers I’ve got to try something else. That pisses me off.

Thanks for listening.