I think I have what I call fat girl syndrome. I used to weigh in at 260lbs almost all my teenage life. I was well liked and respected because I was so big (not to mention small town life) it never bothered me to be fat. One day when I was 19 I decided i’d give the skinnier life a try… I quit eating, (which I found myself falling asleep behind the wheel) so I ate more. I walked, didn’t eat past 5pm (keep in mind I lived at home and was not pressured to get a job.) In one years time I lost over 100lbs (A WHOLE FREAKIN PERSON!!!) I started to use laxitives if I decided to give in.. I couldn’t NOT eat nor could I throw up…. I used OTC weight management drugs…im down to using prescription weight loss drugs that give with-drawl. I freak out because I have no will power and tend to eat my feelings.. I quit smoking which depresses me bc I didn’t eat as much. I look in the mirror and im not satisfied because I know I will never look like a hooters girl or a girl that works at twin peaks.. I’m friends with my ex-boyfriend whom I still have sex with on the weekends I don’t work.. don’t get me wrong it was my idea at first and he acts like a boyfriend, just don’t mention it…. he has his own issues of just wanting to feel like he has something going for him at 26. He’s moving in soon with me to help me with bills, even agreed to co-sign because I need a new car and his credit is stellar.. hes amazing and been my super hero. Now I cant live without him and im afraid that once he moves up here with me that he will find someone else and i’ll be more torn than I was before…. From my weight loss I have excess skin that no matter how hard I work out wont firm up…it makes me sick to look in the mirror when I go to shower… My dog buu… she keeps me going … i’d be dead by now if I didn’t think id hurt her by leaving forever and how she wouldn’t be taken care of and how my family sucks and ever since I moved they haven’t done crap for me but people that have known me 3 months have given me whatever they could spare. I’m going back to school and trying not to think about men or relationships as much as id like to have one, im scared to let go of my “friend” with benefits and soul mate of coarse…I feel alone everyday..im lucky to be alive…because I don’t know how I am..
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2 comments
So you have no problem and everybody to help?
I think that if your ex goes to those extents to help you he won’t leave you unless you decide to end it. Few people would do the things you say he has done just for sex (i might be wrong tho).
Excess skin sure is a *****, i have some and i can’t get rid of it unless i get surgery, i imagine yours is the same, and i don’t know about you, but for me it’s a constant reminder that i was fat. And the mindset of being fat is something you don’t overcome so easily, i know i haven’t been able to overcome it and it’s been 12 years since i lost “another person” like you say, haha.
I do have to point out, it’s easy for people who recently meet you to help you, since they haven’t done so for a long time. Most likely the people you say haven’t been there for you have been there in the past, so i’d consider that before ruling them out.
Don’t let fear get the best of you, i mean, you lost weight, plan on studying again, and sounds like you are trying to turn things around. Best of luck on all of that.