Yesterday my mum told me that my sister has been taken back into hospital again on a section for the umpteenth time in the last few years. She used to be a risk analyst in an investment bank – less than five years ago. Now she thinks she is god’s wife, she is having his children and that the spirits are going to take her to another place the family can not reach.
She is not the only sibling in my family that has mental illness. I have it, my brother has it and her twin has it. All four of us by my dad are cursed with this sickness. The only difference between me and my siblings is that I get depressed whilst they get psychotic.
I wondered about this horrible situation and what it might do to her. None of us have had ECT ever, she will be the first. I worry that the treatment will destroy her….. but her illness is already busy doing that.
As a consequence I looked up stuff on David Bowie yesterday because like me he comes from a family infested/blessed/cursed with mental illnesss.
I listened to two songs of his about his brother who was institutionalised due to schizophrenia and ultimately took his own life.
Two tracks to check ‘Jump they say’ and ‘I will survive’ are both about his issues dealing with it.
I gotta go work. I am highly anxious today and out of Lorezapam. The hospital peeps have promised me some after work. I feel so anxious.
I want to survive, but the family stuff is my biggest achilles heel. They are the source of my biggest strength but they are also the source of me losing hope. Despair.
3 comments
Mental illness is a really hard thing to deal with. I worked in a place where I took care of adults with mental disabilities, 16 years ago, and it was really harsh to see what people had to deal with and how it effected their overall life. Some of them needed help with most things in their daily life. others would try to hurt themselves and many heard voices and were on heavy medications and it was a sad situation
but I believe you can pull out of it because you are smart and you are a good person so keep your head up and keep moving forward.
Thank you so much. This stuff makes me feel so alone. It’s so old I worry about compassion fatigue with the good friends I have. I’ve recently decided I’m not going to try and share it with them any more. If I was them I would be exhausted by my years of tears. I know they are. Your offer is very kind.
im here if u need anyone to talk too im bipolar clinical depression ptsd anxiety and also have an alter personality all of which i inhereted from my bio family but neverthe less i still try so just know your not alone