I am so fucking done with the world. It seems like I can’t do anything. I sing, well at least I try to, and every single time my family puts me down any buries my dreams in HELL. I  write, and somebody either says “It’s Stupid” “It sounds like plagiarism” “Are you sure you aren’t copying?” “Im pretty sure thats already a book” or criticizes it. And I get the WORST writers block, and most of my stories remained unfinished, sitting in the hard drive of my computer. The one that I did finish is awful, and I’ve thrown that one in trash mountain. People say I’m a good artist, but I end up tearing most of my work into little tiny pieces and throwing them away after balling them up. Anything I do just isn’t good enough. It feels like everybody is better than me at everything. I hate myself. A’s and B’s aren’t good enough for my family. It has to be straight A’s or else they shun me. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m done with feeling useless. So I’m just not going to try anymore. IM DONE. I am so fortunate to have such good friends, and I’ve never been more confident since I’ve been talking to my Guy-Friend. But he’s graduating soon, and I’m not going to be able to see him. I’ve just lost all hope. Why? Is the question I ask myself everyday. Why cant we be in the same grade? Why is everything i do not good enough? Why doesn’t my family support me? Why was I born? Sometimes I just feel so useless. I am put down everytime I try something. Being pretty just isn’t enough for me. I’m skinny, I’m hot, I have beautiful blue eyes, I’m smart, I’m tan, I have long legs but it just isn’t good enough. I need to feel good about my skills and hobbies. My family just doesn’t think I can do it. Do anything. Whether it be sports, jobs, or hobbies. Yet they still wonder why I sit in my room, in the dark, doing nothing but talking to one or two people. Alone, in my solitude is when I feel my best. Eightteen cant come any slower, and i’ve still got 6 years to go.Â
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2 comments
Focus on the good things in your life. You’re attractive, you make decent grades, and you have friends who support you. Stick close to your friends, and continue to practice at the things you like to do. You don’t have to be selfish to focus on the things you love. Your family doesn’t understand the pressure they’re putting you through, and they might never will. But as long as you stay true to yourself, you’ll make it a lot easier in life.
I hope this helps.
You know, i was in the same spot when growing up, nothing was ever enough for my family or myself. I destroyed so much writing/drawings that i did in my youth that i think a full forest of trees might want to murder me by now. It sure plays with your mind when you’re young and can f*ck your mind severely on the long run.
The thing is, the support of your family is sure important, but it’s your life not theirs, and the only expectations really worth pursuing are yours. You don’t make it easy on yourself either from what you say tho, so i can see how the frustration can get overwhelming.
Keep in mind that writer’s block happens to all, even to the best. A bad vocal day? heck, i sang for something like 15+ years on a daily basis and i’d say they were all bad days. But the thing with art is that’s all in the appreciation. And when it comes down to it, you can be your worst critic and never like anything you do, but you do it because you enjoy it and love it, not because it’s a mechanic thing you have to be “good at it”, otherwise it wouldn’t be art.
Now, if you want to be successful at it, rarely the most talented ones are the ones that “make it”, and it’s true that there’s always going to be someone that does things better than you, but it also works both ways. And as i said with art, it’s all in the appreciation. Sadly criticism is a big part of it too, and you have to learn to deal with it, since not all people will appreciate what you do, but you could say that about all aspects of life.
You get good grades, you have things you love doing, you have the looks department covered, and you try to better yourself (else you wouldn’t be frustrated). Sounds like a win-win situation if you ask me. So just keep going at it because of you, and for you, not forgetting to worry about the future of course, but the good grades sure help with that.