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5 More Days…

by Alexther


I’ve decided to end it all on Friday,as you saw from the title…Been struggling with severe depression and bipolar disorder for 2 years now…Nobody cares now and nobody will care when I’m gone either,so I figured out that I will be happier in the afterlife(if there is one) more than I am now…I don’t want to hear any of that ”it will get better” crap from anyone,since it will not.I also have a serious vision illness that will at some point let me completely blind.Right now I see kind of good,but my vision will at some point just stop,and there is no cure or surgery I can have to heal it…I don’t want to live without seeing,so interrupting my life before I reach that point seems like the only choice I have other than living blind…

My girlfriend committed suicide one month ago and I want to meet her once again…I don’t know if I’ll meet her once there,assuming there’s no afterlife,but at least I will just stop existing and I will never feel anything again…

I plan on jumping under a train or off a high building in my neighborhood.I don’t know which is more reliable,so that’s why I posted this.Which one has more chances of being fatal?


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adzy1992 5/11/2014 - 6:53 am

Hi Alex.
I’m really sorry to hear about your depression, and your girlfriend. It must be so hard.
But please don’t give up. I don’t know you or anything about you. But what about your parents? Friends? We all have someone, that loves us. I am only 21, and am suffering from anxiety/depression, as we speak. But you must talk to someone, it really helps.
As I said before, I don’t know you, but I care about you man. If you want to have a chat send me an E-mail. My address is: adamandadam7@hotmail.com
Talk to me man.
Just talk to someone that you trust.
Let me know if there is anything I can do.

Alexther 5/11/2014 - 9:35 am

Talking to anyone won’t solve anything at this point.Even though I could get through depression,I can’t stand the fact that I will at one point go blind because of that vision problem.As I said,there is no cure or surgery for it,and I would kill myself rather than live blind for the rest of my life.Also,what’s the point of living anyway?In the end,we’re all just numbers and statistics once we’re gone anyway.

I’ve tried talking to my parents about one year ago about my suicidal tendencies,but they are religious fanatics and told me I will burn in hell if I do it.So basically,all they did was try to scare me away from suicide by threatening me with eternal torture if I do it…
I don’t really have anyone close to me.She was the only one I had that would understand me and now she’s gone…If she wouldn’t have committed suicide,I would continue living for the sake of being with her,but now all I think about is if I will meet her on the other side…

Anyway,thanks for your kind words,but at this point nothing can save me.Hope you recover from your depression and have better luck in life than I did.

arealist 5/11/2014 - 11:35 am

Sorry to read your message. In answer to your question both methods are likely to be fatal, provided you get hit by a train at speed or jump off a high enough building.

I’ve heard of people that are ‘technically’ alive for some time when hit by trains but as soon as they are removed they die, this could mean some degree of time spent ‘suffering’. A high enough jump is likely to be as instant a fatality as one can get. I’d recommend you research all potential methods yourself though.

Please also bear in mind that the two methods you have mentioned are very likely to cause someone to experience quite severe trauma. All Train (Engine) drivers are told that one day someone will jump in front of their Engine, there is little to nothing they can do to avoid it. However you may well be making someone else feel responsible for your death. Think carefully on that before you do it.

Jumping from a high enough building is likely to leave quite the mess too, imagine if children had to see such a thing. Even adults might struggle.

Think carefully on your actions.

Bon voyage.

Alexther 5/11/2014 - 12:11 pm

So,basically both of them can prove fatal if correctly applied,right?

Also,the high building I plan jumping off is in a really desolate area,so it will take 2 hours for someone to find me splattered on the ground,and that ”someone” is most likely going to be a security guard from around the area,and they’re quite used to seeing gory stuff anyway.

As for jumping under a train,I’ve already written a suicide note which I plan on keeping in my wallet when jumping in front of it.It contains apologies for my friends and family as well as a paragraph telling everyone that it was all my fault and I did it all out of free will,and that nobody should feel guilty for my death.

Also,if you know any method that is fast and painless(bear in mind I don’t have access to a gun) and is not likely to traumatize anyone too much,please tell me.

yours truly,the suicidal maniac Alexther…

arealist 5/11/2014 - 1:06 pm

Have a google, there is a site where forensic pathologists have made a list of suicide methods and scored them for things like: success rates, time to death, agony for the victim and something else I think. You’ll be able to find plenty of information with a quick google.

That said here are some ideas if you can’t find that site.

Long drop hanging – must be researched and constructed properly. You use the long drop method to ensure that the noose breaks your neck, otherwise you will die of strangulation and it could take time. Get too long of a drop and you run the risk of decapitation. Look up judicial long drop hanging for a proper explanation of everything. Also look up how to tie the noose correctly and where to position the knot before the jump. I’m in the UK (no guns) and this is my chosen method for when I’m ready.

Helium bag method – Google ‘how to make a betty bag’ and Exit International. I’ve heard stories on here of many failures. For the cost involved it seems a bit iffy to me.

******** – I don’t know much about this method, apparently it is the holy grail of suicide methods. You run a serious risk of spending money and getting fake ******** from what I understand.

Charcoal method – Basically have a BBQ in a small room. I gather it is relatively painless and won’t leave a mess of a corpse (although all corpses are pretty messy regardless). If you do this method make sure you leave a sign on the outside of the door warning anyone coming in of the danger of Carbon Monoxide/Dioxide. You’ll want to seal as much of the room to keep the harmful gasses inside.

That’s just a handful of methods I’ve looked into in some detail and I urge you again to research it yourself.

I hope it helps, good luck.

arealist 5/12/2014 - 3:02 pm

How are you getting on Alexther?

Alexther 6/22/2014 - 12:38 pm

My dead soul is still trapped in this cage of flesh I guess…

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