I feel like I’m falling back to my old habbits. The last weeks I started to take more and more control about eating and exercising. My life’s turning again about (not) eating and exercising and trying to hide it all. But I’m fine with it, because my life is a little bit more bearable now, and I have sometimes a little happy moment (if I lost some weight or had a good exercise). And I know it’s unhealthy and stuff, but it’s keeping me from suicide, so that’s a good thing, right? And I’m going to be more happy with my body. I love the control I’m getting of it, but I also do feel guilty against my parents. But the benefits are better than the disadvantages, so I’m not stopping with it. Just hope it works out fine, and don’t worry I’m stopping with it at the right moment so I won’t go too far (I’m aware of that).
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8 comments
Even if it’s temporary (and I’m not saying it is, just make sure you regulate carefully), enjoy it to the fullest. We need what little joys we can get from this world. When you say ‘guilty against your parents’, what do you mean?
@S0r4,
It just give me those little sparks in the darkness, not much, but still a few. And with guilty against my parents I mean the fact that I feel guilty, because I’m lying and hiding it. Things like throwing away my breakfast as they are upstairs and stuff.
I sometimes make myself happy by watching teeny-tiny bugs and being glad most of them aren’t truly self-aware. I’m sorry I’m so non sequitur.
Make sure you still eat enough to give yourself energy to work out, at least. I’m not going to tell you to not to do it, because that’d make me a hypocrite. Just try to look at why you feel the need to hyper control yourself when it’s the world that’s shit, not you.
@S0r4,
Woowww, are we going to use words I don’t know?? Non sequitur? There’s a whole page of it on wikipedia, but I still don’t understand it, hahaha. But doesn’t matter.
Well, I always need a sort of control (it’s probably because of my autism, or I’m just a controlfreak) and yeah, I express that in things as cutting, or medicine abuse, that kind of things. Probably I just have too less control in my life without those things.
@ Engeltje
‘Non sequitur’ is a term from philosophy that indicates a proposition from which there is no logical way forward.
@manikin
So… Does life/living count?
Count for what? sorry, I just don’t follow.
You mean is the term ‘non-sequitur’ applicable to life? It is not usually used that way, but I understood what the person who wrote ‘my life is so non-sequitur’ meant to convey. Is this what you meant?
@mannikin,
Ah, thanks for your explanation in normal English 😉 which I DO understand 🙂 I had Latin lessons on school, but we never had the translation of non sequitur 😮 But now I understand 🙂