hi, if your reading this then that means that people actually care, or is interested in my title, but it doesn’t matter any more. I’m tried of hearing people scream at each other, I’m tired of always being afraid of what’s gonna happen next. I’m sick and tired of being screamed at. I hate it the way the people around look at me but they can’t see that i’m drowning because every time I am reminded that i’m a worthless whore that people can always throw away i sink so much deeper than before and i don’t know what to do about it anymore. I feel lost, i feel like i can’t change my path and the universe has decided it for me. I want to be someone that most people want to be friends with. I want to keep my scars because my scars are what make me realize that i’m broken and i’m trapped; i haven’t cut in a month and i feel like i can’t breath anymore, but these things on my arm call to me, they scream at me to do it again, they cry out for more blood than the last time. Over and over again i can hear them talking to me, telling me i’m worthless and everything that happens is what i deserve and if i try to stop it, i’m stupid for thinking i can do it in the first place. Who am I to decide that im worthy of being loved or hated? I’m done pretending that im happy, sad, angry, now all i am is numb and barely able to sunlight at the end of this dark and lonely tunnel, i’m done with people telling me worthless things like gossip, lies, and more lies. I’ve realized that that’s all people have to say to me.
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Then I will whisper— there are secrets you do not yet know. Death can wait awhile longer.
That word ‘whore’, I would not use that term to describe you and you shouldn’t be using that on yourself either.
“Who am I to decide that im worthy of being loved or hated?”
Indeed, we are the master’s of our own fate. The onus rests upon us alone to decide whether we want this perceived feeling of love/hate to influence us or not. You’re worth a heck of a lot more than these two feelings alone. The screams are just that: all bark and no bite. Pay it no mind as the pointless spiel of lesser mortals shan’t affect a more self aware person such as yourself.
Well, that’s all I have to say to you right now. Remember – all bark and no bite. Do enjoy your day, Red Fairytale.
Whore? They have no right. You may tell me who you are; they may not. Tell me your story?
my story? begins with my mother killing herself, then with my father that i hadn’t talk to in till my mother killed herself bring me to his home to live with him and a girlfriend who didn’t even want me. then when he broke up with her he started hitting me, every time he’d get a new one he’d stop, but start again when they break up
I love you little red. I know that you don’t know me, but I feel so deeply everything that you say and my heart goes out to you and I can’t help but love you. Remember when I told you about the trained dogs and mindless cattle? That is all they are, and I am sorry to say honey, that’s all your father was too. You my dear are an artist not a whore. One day I hope that you will love yourself as much as I do.
but why love someone who doesn’t deserve it? why care what happens to an outcast among outcasts? why would you choose to care for someone who is lost and confused and doesn’t know what she is going to do with her life? why would someone care about a mutt like me?
I am not good with words but I know hopelessness, loneliness and the deep pain of being unloved and alone. I hate labels as I’ve been given a few, and I empathise with your plight Red. We are similar, yet different, I care because I care about people, but people hate me and then I get hurt and I’m just overwhelmed by it.
thanks but right now i dont know what to do
You ask why love someone who doesn’t deserve it. Why do you think you don’t deserve it?
You don’t have to be like everyone else to be likable. A lot of people like others that are different from themselves. Things get a little boring if everyone is the same.
“why would you choose to care for someone who is lost and confused and doesn’t know what she is going to do with her life?”
The real question is “Why WOULDN’T you choose to care for someone who is lost and confused?”
I think you are just stuck with the wrong crowd right now, and that includes your father. It’s tough at your age because you don’t have that many choices yet, and you’re stuck around all the immature kids who haven’t grown up.