What can I say? I’m 27 unemployed, living with my dad and step mom. I’ve gained like 50 lbs….im 200 lbs right now… I feel gross I’m 5’8
I had a psychotic break a couple years ago… lost everything. My job, car, apartment, boyfriend. I had a good job, nice car, awesome boyfriend….
I started getting delusional, i literally lost my mind. I was living on the street for a while. then my parents found me and I came home….
For some reason I’m suicidal now and not when I was homeless? I guess reality set it… when I was living on the street I was happier… strange I know.. but now I’m back it’s like the “reality” of what happened to my life has hit me and it’s depressing.
Honestly I feel no motivation for life. The only reason I haven’t taken my life is because of the difficulty. I wish there was some kind of suicide spa you could go to you know? “Check in to check out” Get a nice massage then take a nice long eternal nap.
I’m happiest when I’m asleep. I love sleep, it takes me away from my reality. The reality that I’m pretty much a fucking loser. Not looking for pity, just stating the facts.
Dreams are my escape it’s what I look forward to daily, just checking out mentally and dreaming. I’m seeing a therapist, taking depression medication but I’m sick of it all. I hate this life…. I want to sleep forever…. It really fucking sucks that we get no say in being born.
I just want out…yet part of me wishes there was an afterlife…. the truth is no one knows…. until you die… and then well… you’re dead.
It’s all so stupid and pointless to me….