I am obsessed with death and suicide. In my mind, it looks like a beautiful way to go.
I picture myself in the final hours, preparing my own wake and the steps I take to my final sleep.
The only problem is, I feel that there are two minds inside my brain, both want to die, but one is still sad and urges me to seek help first. The other is evil and wants me to scare and push people away by becoming this dark and morbid girl, it wants me to die.
My belief is that they were whole once, feeling the same emotions of hurt and sadness. I have just waited so long to reach out for help I can no longer think straight. These thoughts of death are taking over and they want me to follow.
I have been self harming and self medicating for 8 years and I’m bored with feeling this way, I am tired of being awake.
(Here comes my mind).
I feel insane, I feel evil.
3 comments
I know what you mean, your mind tries to convince you there’s a grain of hope but the evil side of your mind convinces you otherwise. The battle never ends and that’s even more depressing. You are not insane, you’re actually very self aware. If you want to chat I’m here for you.
I believe in the two sides of your mind. When your a child, I think you have enough innocence to keep the bad side hidden. But when your a teenager, you start to get sides from both bad and good in your mind. A seemingly never endless war inside of you. Eventually, you will find yourself in the mess of confusion. This is how we live. It sucks, but we just have to stay strong and fight through it? It will end soon, trust me. I’m always here if you want to talk.
we all have people connected to us and they give us a reasone to stay alive but i think every person here needs a reasone to live and it wont occur by itself, u have to create on.