i want to kill myself but im scared

Thinking of suicide doesn’t make you worthless. If anything, it’s a testament to your strength and empathetic nature. Your life may have been hard; I’m not making light of that. In times of extreme despondency, when you’re faced with the thoughts, “You’ll never get better. You’re best days are behind you, just learn to live with mediocrity and loneliness,” it sometimes gets hard to see your future as being anything but bleak. In these times, its vital to dwell on the things that you’ve done right. You’re not worthless. It’s never too late to become what you feel you should be. Now you might think, “ Too much time has gone by. I’m too old. I’ve missed too many opportunities. If I was going to get married, it would’ve happened by now,” but the truth is, these thoughts are simply an embodiment of your current outlook on life. If you keep thinking about suicide, then you’ll undoubtedly remain where you are. Tell your heart to beat again. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. Life is too short to go around carrying the weight of our mistakes each day on our shoulders. I believe in you. Throw away the objects that remind you of suicide. Take very small steps to change at first. For example, throw away the suicidal objects. If you’d like to get into school, order a pamphlet to the university. Rearrange the furniture in your living space. Go to locations close to you that you’ve never been to before. Change what you see on the outside, and slowly but surely, you begin to see subtle changes on the inside. For what its worth, I’m proud of you for taking the time to express yourself.