I was given a golden life, but ruined it all

I have had everything given to me and I screwed it all up…..I have a bad habit of smoking pot and hookah

My parents provided me with everything and my habits, along with a habit of stealing got me in a lot of legal trouble

I got into legal trouble in 2001 and was arrested for a felony, but the prosecutor was nice enough to knock it down to a misdemeanor

I got into medical school in 2004….got kicked out a year later for smoking pot and getting caught for stealing a wifi connector from the computer lab in the med school and shoplifting at a store….again it was a felony, but they dropped it down to a misdemeanor to give my medical career a chance

I got back into medical school again in 2008 and screwed up twice having to repeat 2 years of it by not studying at all.

I then got married to the girl of my dreams in 2013 and I was so happy. I thought my life was set (with me being a doctor in less than a year, and my wife being a doctor herself, and both of her parents being doctors and supporting us with everything)

I lost her in a divorce because I could not stop lying about my past (getting kicked out of medical school previously and previous legal issues).

My ex father in law is a Medical examiner (the type of doctor who does autopsies) and he has a lot of influence in the court. They are from a small conservative county were the people in power have been in power for the past 30 years and he knows all the Judge’s, Prosecutors, and police/sheriffs.

My ex father in law was so mad at me for causing the divorce, he got me kicked out of medical school by lies, charged me with stalking which was a misdemeanor and a violation of a restraining order he placed on me so I couldn’t contact my ex wife….both of which I am innocent for, and I am on 3 years of probation for it with a GPS tether and spent 51 days in jail since I had a $250,000 bond (i know..its ridiculously high). My ex-wife is a very shy person who is very easily influenced by her parents. We are both south asian, but she is a “daddy’s girl” in every sense of the word. She let him do everything to me and never fought for me even once.

After getting out of jail, I then got back into medical school to finish my education this past April because my medical school felt sorry for me and realized my father in law lied to get me kicked out. My father in law then found out I got back in medical school, and put a Felony ID theft charge against me in May for a student loan my wife at the time cosigned for. I am also innocent of this charge and all these charges were out of the county he works for.

Because of all this legal stress and pressure, I got back into the habit of smoking hookah again after quitting for almost 7 years. I was just at a hookah bar last week and I walked out of the hookah bar without paying (I told the employee I would return later that night to pay it because I forgot my wallet at home and he said that it was no problem). The owner saw me walk out and did not care I already told his employee and called the police and I got arrested simply because of my past legal history and being on probation for theft.

Now, I had a fighting chance to beat this Felony ID theft case because it is all full of lies and I had a good lawyer. But now, with this recent arrest, it is a violation of my probation and I am in huge trouble. Because of my past, this hookah arrest will be charged as a Felony.

So, I am looking at 2 felony charges and a violation of probation charge. My medical school does not know about this and they will kick me out again once they find out. Even if they don’t kick me out, I am looking at the next 5-10 years of my life in Prison and I’ll never be able to become a doctor anyways then.

My parents have wasted over $100,000 on me for lawyers and I have made them broke. My sister’s wedding is coming up in 1 month and I am trying to live for that so she doesn’t have to cancel it, but my court date is coming up this Monday.

With the new arrest, the laywers want $20,000 to fight the hookah charge, and another $7500 to fight the violation of probation charge all on top of the $30,000 my parents paid for the Felony ID theft case. It is another waste of money my parents do not have.

My parents love me a lot, and they will sell their house, and anything to pay for this lawyers and I cannot allow them to do that for me.

My life has been a roller coaster and I have been depressed the whole way through it. I still want to live, but I am a coward. I cannot spend the next 5-10 years in prison and go on with life with over $300,000 in student loans without being a doctor, which would allow me to pay it off.

I know I must take my life before it is too late and I am back in custody with the courts.

I am thinking about taking our old snowblower, putting it in the backseat of the car and turning it on, leaving it on for 15-30 minutes while the carbon monoxide builds up. While the carbon monoxide is building up, I am thinking about taking my moms prescriptions of zolpidem (ambien), lorazepam (ativan), metoprolol (beta blockers), and washing it down with hard alcohol and just going to sleep in the car and having the carbon monoxide kill me. If that fails, the combination of the above medication with the alcohol should do the trick.

What sucks about all this is that I am not even suicidal and I want to live, but I cannot live with all that is facing me and I know I will have a miserable life even after getting out of prison.

Nothing anyone can say is going to talk me out of this, but I have to do it.

My method of choice would be just to take cyanide capsules into the courtroom and if there is bad news, just take it there just incase the court does give me a chance. But, I cannot get my hands on any cyanide and I cannot risk being taken into custody, because it is nearly impossible to kill yourself in jail/prison.

That’s my story! basically, i was given a golden life and I screwed it all up by my bad habits, inability to face the truth, and having a father-in-law from hell.