Morning everyone

I have been in hell for a few months and stumble here by chance. I’ve been looking suicide and stuff and came across this little paradise people just like me….in hell every waking hour and desperate for a bit of peace. I downloaded the peaceful pill book yesterday and was horrified and both amazed at its simplicity of it all. I’m in my mid forties, have two growing kids, a failing marriage, and a lover which I adore and have been seeing for a year and a bit for it seems he’s getting tired of me and I’m getting tired of so much unhappiness. I’ve grown tired of trying so hard for something that leaves a bad taste in the mouth …. And I tired suicide a dew months ago….. Chickened out half way…. I had it all planned out, letters, written , and started to taking the amount of pills I needed to die. I had enough and the right ones as well and would work …then I fret and started to talk to someone who asked me if I was prepared for the last stop, which is what suicide is….. And I wasn’t….so I ended up in hospital. Attached to machine for hours to make sure I was alright…I sobered up, felt guilty , silly, and everything was fine…. But it’s not ….

its all coming back to haunt me again… I was supposed to have had a talk to my husband , it ended up,in a monologue…me talking him listening and putting me down as usual…I’m fed up,with telling my so called friends about my problems….you become a bore , and even my mum today wasn’t interested when I tried to tell her about my shit week….

I’d love to be happy, feel happiness…so why does everyone is happy but me? Is there any hope in the horizon? Do I want to go thru more heartache?