No existence

An: This was a poem that I wrote when I was nine, I have no idea why but this poem draws the emotions of me who is present now. I’m becoming a tad mad with my bouts of sudden despair overwhelming me for no apparent reason and it is affecting my work. I have an examination this entire week and yet I keep doing something else and am being apathetic to all the things that used to concern me. It feels as though I’ve awoke to find that I should cease to exist because I am a waste of space and all efforts are just futile.

You know,

Sometimes it feels as though I am disappearing into foam.

Day by day,

Bits and pieces of me seem to go away.

Everyday,

I feel a part of my dying,

I feel as though I am vanishing,

my existance slowly becoming nothing.

I am so afraid of disappearing.

What would happen if I find myself being unable to open my eyes one day ?

What would happen if I am unable to move my limbs?

I am afraid, scared, fearful of life and what it has installed for me.

A single crack,

That was all it was.

But from that very crack,

Another emerges,

Spreading and slithering,

Destroying me and my very core,

My soul , my existence.

A mirror,

That is what my life is.

I am merely an image, a mirage , a reflection of someone who exists,

I do noy exist and I have always been, without a real existence before me.

I disappear, I vanish ,I become non-existant.

Oh how I wish to be able to be alive.

I cry, I sob , I scream

And yet these emotions are not mine.

They are not mine and they have never been.