An: This was a poem that I wrote when I was nine, I have no idea why but this poem draws the emotions of me who is present now. I’m becoming a tad mad with my bouts of sudden despair overwhelming me for no apparent reason and it is affecting my work. I have an examination this entire week and yet I keep doing something else and am being apathetic to all the things that used to concern me. It feels as though I’ve awoke to find that I should cease to exist because I am a waste of space and all efforts are just futile.
Sometimes it feels as though I am disappearing into foam.
Day by day,
Bits and pieces of me seem to go away.
I feel a part of my dying,
I feel as though I am vanishing,
my existance slowly becoming nothing.
I am so afraid of disappearing.
What would happen if I find myself being unable to open my eyes one day ?
What would happen if I am unable to move my limbs?
I am afraid, scared, fearful of life and what it has installed for me.
A single crack,
That was all it was.
But from that very crack,
Spreading and slithering,
Destroying me and my very core,
My soul , my existence.
That is what my life is.
I am merely an image, a mirage , a reflection of someone who exists,
I do noy exist and I have always been, without a real existence before me.
I disappear, I vanish ,I become non-existant.
Oh how I wish to be able to be alive.
I cry, I sob , I scream
And yet these emotions are not mine.
They are not mine and they have never been.