So I haven’t slept anything tonight either. It seems it has become somewhat an habit of mine, not sleeping that is. My brain’s a gooey mess, and I find myself at the edge of sanity yet again.
I don’t know what’s worse, living in this blurry world of mine in a zombie like state, wasting time, almost not existing… Feeling this emptyness… It’s funny… No Mather how shit everything feels, if you take away one of the human essentials it actually gets worse. I just miss seeing things clearly, ya know? Sleeplessness is fogging up my fucked up mind and I feel so powerless.
but as I said; I honestly don’t know what’s worse, sleeping or not sleeping. Cuz every time…. Every fucking time…. I fall asleep, I have these horrendous dreams. I can’t recall what they are about… All I know is I wake up with pure terror in mind. Not allot of things frighten me, but I find myself waking up shaking, cold sweating, hyper ventilating with a heart racing in my chest. And the fear sticks with me, for the rest of the day. But I still don’t know of what I am afraid.
And I’ve always been able to remember my dreams. Until it got this bad, which sadly, is months ago now. I feel so broken by now. It wears you out pretty quickly I guess.The only place to wich I could escape… The only place I could feel free… It’s gone.
And I’ve reached out for help, but well nobody takes it to seriously.
But it’s quite alright, actually. I mean Ive made it this far. 7 more months, and I won’t have to take it anymore. Any of it.
Just ashame to spend the time I have left like this…
I’m actually not sure why I’m writing all of this down, I’m just rambling. Sorry about that.
well.. Bye. Xx