I Was Wrong

I honestly thought this summer I would be able t talk and hang out with my friends. My best friend said that no matter what I needed, she would be there for me. This morning I got in a huge fight with my mother, she threatened to hit me which made my dad step in and tell her to back off. I’m honestly lucky that he is there for me. But even though the fight was over, I still felt horrible. The things she said hit me like a bullet to the heart. Reality hit me, it hit me hard. I felt like I wanted to cry myself to sleep and never wake up. I have try suicidal things before, and I tried hard not to do anything I would regret. I called my bestfriend, hoping she would pick up since, for the past few days she has been declining my calls, saying that she was “busy” when I knew she was just talking to someone else. I tried to call another friend, no answer. At this point I was a crying mess and I tried to refrain from doing anything since the last time tried anything it had ended up horrible. For the first time ever I began to cut my wrists. Now my wrists are covered in cuts and dried blood, I feel terrible. I had never done this before, I never wanted to do this, but I just did. I only told one of my friends, and even though she tells me to relax and call her the next time I ever get the urge I still want to cut. I’ve been alone, I’ve had no one. And I can’t even tell me best friend, because she feels somewhat bad since my other friend told her she needs to talk to me more often. I feel like I shouldn’t even call her, she tells me that if I ever need her to call her to just tell her it’s something important. But I can’t, she has a life, she has friends, and I don’t have either of those. I can’t tell her. She says she loves me but I feel like I’m a waste of her time. Like she could be talking to someone more important. I just thought that finally I had a friend that I could keep, without ever loosing. I was wrong. Now I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like no matter what I do or what I say it won’t matter. That it’s better to let other people live their lives without me dragging them down.