I’ve always wanted to kill myself, ever since I was like 14. I never really got to try till I was 18. I was never happy with myself. I always failed at everything and I was sick of it. I’m tired of being treated like nothing, feeling worthless, feeling like I do not matter. My ex girlfriend made me feel so much better about myself till she cheated on me in the worst way possible and only made everything worse. I found myself back where I was. Surrounded by 4 walls, looking for anything to hurt myself with but pills wont work anymore. I don’t own a gun, I don’t live near a bridge, I don’t have a rope, and bleeding out just takes too long (I’ve tried). Everyone thinks I’m okay. I am not. No one understands why I am like this. If you’re gonna die, might as well die young, right?
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Read my story. I know exactly how you feel. The problem is, could we be fixed? Do we WANT to be fixed? Sometimes i do, sometimes i dont.
gosh, i’m sorry, i loveless world is definitely one that would compel anyone to commit suicide. You’ve been neglected your whole life, you’ve never sustained a relationship built on respect and love, it’s no wonder you feel worthless etc. especially when no one has been there/told you you were worth anything. Despite that, just because you have not been given something does NOT mean you don’t deserve it, you deserve love and it is not definite you will never receive it. Like you wrote, you *have* been loved before, only the person that loved you was a terrible person, it’s not your fault she was a terrible person, it just shows that you *are* lovable and it is possible for another person to love you again and for you to love someone else again. Keep your eyes open, extend yourself out to others, have you ever tried therapy? it really seems like you need a friend. (hugs)
Dying young is the way to go.
You’re still at the age when it’s relatively easy to get into a relationship though. I would recommend that. There’s nothing like young love. Over time, people become more and more tainted and then it becomes MUCH harder. Try that, then go ahead and do it if you still feel that way.
my only advice here is that you don’t become a product of her actions. don’t let what she did forever taint you. you can and will move past this. had a gf cheat on me and treat me as subhuman and it only made me more badass–in the end. at first it was the deepest most unfathomable pain–use that pain to motivate you to work out and pump out the anger, the betrayal and the hurt. best wishes my bro. you’re a champ. email me if you want and I can give you some pointers on where to start. keep yer head up and chest out!