Lost all motivation. Don’t care about my life. Only care about my cats. Battling mental illness for three years. Invested a lot of time and money. Ruined my successful career. Keep deferring start of graduate school at one of the top universities in the world because I can’t find meaning or purpose to it. Totally black-balled in my line of work. For my last job interview, a former colleague was asked to inquire with me as to my “mental state” right now. If one more person tells me that I have so much going for myself, I will just lose it. My entire family (except for my mother) is incredibly unsupportive. My siblings just call me crazy and everything I do or say is twisted… and then they just flat out lie about me to my father. Since they all thing I am crazy, my father easily believes the lies. I have offered proof of their lies and even to take a polygraph to prove I am telling the truth but he doesn’t care. I have just had it. The cognitive effects of my illnesses and treatments have become too much. I can’t find more than a few hours or a few days of motivation to turn my life around – I don’t even know how anyway. I have failed at every attempt to change my life. I can’t find any meaning or purpose. Both trying to get better and doing nothing is terribly exhausting. I don’t c are anymore and really want to give up. I have really lost all hope and meaning. What’s the purpose in trying anymore? This world is a horrible place….