Today instead of driving straight home I took a long detour around my town. I went up and down streets and stopped occasionally on a hill side. I pondered whether or not to hit to gas and keep going. A small accident maybe, they would say. But it would be okay for me. All that pain and stupid shit would be over. All the worry about being so fucking different and not normal would be gone. I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life locked up somewhere. No, if I were to be punished then I’d rather die because I’m already living in hell. I should have hit the gas or grabbed my fathers gun from the closet before he hid it or jumped off that bridge when we took that walk or cut deeper when I had the razors. It’s only in humanity’s interest that someone like me dies. I can feel that I’ll die young. My entire life line is intertwined with chaos. And so in chaos it shall end.
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I understand exactly where you’re coming from. I once tried to kill myself in a wreck, but I somehow survived. I was traveling at 120MPH, no seatbelt, rolled multiple times and only suffered minor cuts/abrasions. Spent just over a week in a mental hospital. I’ve also tries slitting my throat with a knife multiple times, but couldn’t work up the courage to slice into my skin. I also had/have a plan to “borrow” my brothers gun. Guess what i’m saying is I relate with you. I’ve had a shitty life too. People have fucked with me as well as i’ve fucked with them.
Hey there you two. I know how you feel but just hang in there and stay strong and if you need someone to talk to I am here