i hate my life.

I hate my life. I’m so depressed.. It all started about a year ago. There was this guy I had liked for a while and we finally started talking. The first few weeks, everything was great. We texted just about everyday. Exchanged the finest words. Things were perfect. Then suddenly one day it’s like he just forgot about me. He started tweeting about this other girl and it made me feel invisible. Once him and her stopped talking, we started again. Then another girl came into the picture. I hated seeing them flirt at school. Anyways, he’d flip flop back and forth between her and I.. Which was very annoying… and a couple months later I decided to stop talking to him. Then that summer we ended up talking again, but he treated me like a stranger when school started back up. One day he told me to move on and later started talking to another girl and it killed me. I ended up having to see a counselor. I was just so hurt and confused. About 2 months later he apologized and we started talking again. We became really close. Hanging out. I thought he really was starting to like me. Sometimes he even said he did. He wrote me a poem, we’d hold hands, stuff like that. Months later he started talking to this other girl, while still talking to me. He treated her way better. I started cutting myself because I was just so hurt I was willing to do anything to stop the pain. My mom found out and ended everything. I had to go to a partial hospitalization program for 2 weeks. Him and I did not have a very pretty ending at all.. But anyways, that was like 3 months ago. Nights are the roughest for me. I always get stuck in my feelings. I still like him and I don’t know why. He treated me bad, but he also treated me good too (when ppl weren’t around). I loved him. I did any and everything for him.. Even things I didn’t wanna do. But I just wanted him to like me back.. Which leads to now.. I hate myself. I literally suck at everything and it makes me hate myself. I’m sure if I wasn’t such a screw up maybe he would have liked me. Today I went to a party with my mom and I tried to dance and failed. I felt so embarrassed. I can’t do anything right. I came home and all I could think about is how I just wanna die. That’s how i came across this website. I give up with this life. I hate everything. Especially myself. I feel so worthless. I am no good for anything. Everything I do only embarrasses me. I just want nothing more to do with this life. If only he would’ve wanted me as much as I wanted him, life would be great. I’d be happy again.