I want to disappear. I don’t think I want to die as such, I just don’t want to exist, either.
That’s it really, I just don’t want to exist anymore. If I could just flick a switch and not be here anymore, I would. I would do it straight away, no questions asked. I suppose that switch is basically a permanent one, a switch of life or death.
That’s the thing though, I’m unsure whether it’s suicide I want. I want to not be here but I don’t want to be dead.
So am I suicidal? Is it suicidal to just want to disappear?
A release. I suppose that’s what I want. A release from my life as it is right now.
technically i ruined my life, i been depressed for 2 years now and i have chronic depression, it was hard in the first period, i tortured myself and i don’t know why i drowned so deep til this girl came and it helped me and became my girlfriend but then she broke up with me because i am so depressed, and me beign a sensitive guy with no self esteeme i went numb, she told me that i chose to do what i did to myself suffer more and more , i turned my life into a nightmare , a living hell and there is nothing called depression, is she right? did all the pain i been through was delusion from my mind? owh so many questions with no answers
so i started cutting and the cuts on my arms are so deep that who ever sees me say think that i am on drugs or a criminal , no one seems to understand me not even my family no one cares.
i been going to 3 therapist and all they say you have everything why are u depressed, well i don’t just because i am living comfortably dosen’t mean i am feeling good.
why only me had to get through this? why? why i am alone?
Broken. That’s probably the best way to describe how I feel.i don’t any friends anymore , they all stepped away after they saw my cuts and my thoughts of suicide.
see what i do is I self-destruct. I push people away. Not on purpose, but there must be a reason I am yet to trust anyone in my life enough to know who and how I really am at times. I just subconsciously ruin things for myself, and I don’t know why. The moment things start to go right, I do something and everything seems to fall apart again.
At the moment, it’s like I’m trapped inside myself. I’m basically a thousand and one contradictions: Happy but also sad. Loud but also quiet. Independent, but also lonely. Fearless, but also afraid. Intelligent, but not clever. I love aspects of life, but I want to disappear.
I want to disappear. It’s not a case of wanting to die. It’s not that I wish I’d never been born. I literally just want to fade away and disappear. I can’t even explain it properly. However I phrase it, it just sounds suicidal. And I don’t think I want to die, I want to cease to be. I don’t believe in a God, in a Heaven, but I do feel there’s an afterlife of some kind. I don’t want an afterlife. I don’t want a life anymore, and life is so closely connected with death. But again, am I suicidal? Are these the thoughts of someone who actually does want to die? I don’t know. I just don’t know. That’s what scares me, really.
We’re all going to die anyway, so who cares? I know that there are a lot of things in life that matter, but I’m yet to find any true meaning to my life.
All I want is to go to sleep and never wake up. I don’t want to dream. I want to close my eyes at night for good, and for them to stay shut. I don’t want to go to a heaven or any kind of afterlife. I want to be deeply asleep for all eternity, and I don’t want to put myself to sleep, because that would destroy things entirely.
plz help me
6 comments
Im right there with you. Us very emotional/sensitive guys are definitely not the norm and these kinds of things really wear on us. It always seems like we are given the opportunity to make something amazing happen but we always seem to trip over our own feet and do nothing but fail. I as well don’t want to necessarily die, I just want to vanish. I just want to escape and not have to feel this anymore. Just know that your not alone man. Let me know if you want to talk more.
I want to vanish as well my fiancé is sensitive I fear my suicide will hurt him greatly but I desperately want to leave this life I don’t belong here.
You aren’t alone. I want to disappear, too.
P.S. If your therapists tell you that you don’t have a reason to be depressed, perhaps it is time to find a new therapist. My father sats the sane to me and it us unhelpful. My doctors would never say that to me….just my 2 cents…
Correction: *my father says the same to me and it is unhelpful
It hurts me more than anything when people (usually my mom) use your situation for a reason as to why you shouldn’t feel a certain way.
It’s not your fault you live the life you do, maybe to an extent, but you cannot help the type of life you lead up until you’re grown, out of school, and have your own career.
To ask someone why they are depressed just because they are rich in material goods, or in friends, or just because their life seems great, is like asking a person with almost nothing why they are so happy all the time, and telling them they shouldn’t be because their life isn’t “good.”
Bah… I hope this makes sense. My thoughts are so clouded right now.
If you feel that you have no one, I will always listen to what you have to say.
**(usually my mom, in my case)