im at this point where I just want to end it all.
the only bad thing is, i’m trying so hold to hang on.
most people say, well if you had time to write this, then you aren’t going to do this.
I want to so bad but I don’t want to.
I want to die so I don’t have to deal with these people anymore
so I don’t have to feel sad anymore
but I can’t wait for the day I leave for my grandparents house.
that’s the only reason i’m holding on.
I just wany yhis pain to end.
I don’t WANT to die, but that’s the only way I know how to make it all go away.
12 comments
same i think death is the only way to make the pain go away. Is it possible to tell your grandparents how you feel?
i’m so afraid to tell my grandparents how to feel but I will feel my way out when I get down there. my grandmother is very kind and loving but my grandpa is a lot more distanced. if I told them I felt like this, I think they’d send me back home and being with them makes all the badness go away
i see. Dont know what to say. Try and make the most of it when you visit them. I am assuming that you are going to be visiting them, and that you dont see them often
yes. I see them twice a year.
Mary, Mary. Quite contrary.
Wanting to die? That’s pret-ty scary.
You’re telling us all, that you’re willing to hold on.
And I promise you this; it shan’t be too long.
You don’t want to die, yet perceive it as the only way.
You’ll open your eyes and realise this one day.
That once it all ends, there is nothing more.
So carry on with life, no matter how much it’s a chore.
…ugh. Can’t rhyme the rest. Anywho, keep your head up. I see you’ve lost your parents – you have my condolences of course. I think we’ll both struggle on and find our own reasons in time, and if not – at least we tried.
I love that so much. it definetly helped change my mood. I have a process when I get into a mood like this, call friends, if no one is available, post and wait. thank you so much.
Well, that’s all yours. Maybe you can jazz it up with some catchy folk quite chords and a softly-breaking voice? My man vocals don’t bode well with that kinda thing, sadly…
I’m glad I could help and you’re very welcome. 🙂
is there a way I can friend or something? you’re really funny and nice 🙂
You can catch me ’round the site on most days, or if you’re so inclined, feel free to drop me an email – you’ll find my address by pressing the Edit button next to my comment.
I don’t think your grandparents will send you back if you talk to them and tell them you feel better with them. I’m sorry about your loss, and i hope moving with your grandparents makes things a bit more bearable.
@Shepard: you should put some beats to that and make a song-rap, haha.
I don’t know how i’d feel about moving schools though. I leave in Oklahoma and they live in texas and I only have one more year to go. so the real debate is: stay up here and keep my head high through the pain OR move, grieve having to move schools and try to get all the right classes since I already have everything perfectly lined up here…..I mean, it really is a very hard choice. to be happy or to be more prepared
i am sorry you lost your parents. Like shephard said, keep your head up