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by gunnervin

Slept for 9 hours last night but I wake up feeling less happier than yesterday. I don’t know how many times I woke up in the middle but should be plenty. I feel less happier, less motivated than yesterday. How I can be happy one day and suicidal the next I don’t understand.

Well insomnia is not the cause for my state but only a symptom. The actual reason I suspect is some kind of digestive illness. I’ve lost a bit of weight. I have had horrible reflux since 3 years. Celiac/Crohn’s/GERD I don’t know what it is but I’m tired of stressing over finding out what it is.

I haven’t slept peacefully for the last 8 months and now I feel that I never will until I take that medicine which makes you sleep forever. I’m tired of fighting this illness day after day for the last 8 months.

Yesterday I felt normal and felt happy for a bit which made me think that I can start a new life. But that is followed by a night of bad sleep and today I wake up feeling so lost and suicidal. This has been the cycle for the last 8 months – Sometimes feeling hopeful and most times gutted. Now my memory is messy. My iq feels messed up. My consciousness feels messed up. Just Everything. I can’t fucking feel normal anymore.

I’m bloody tired of this shit and I’m edging closer and closer to taking that that final step which will make me fall asleep forever.

PS: I know I’m ranting but thats all I want to do right now!!


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killswitchon 7/13/2014 - 2:10 pm

oh fuck can I ever relate. insomnia has made me her BDSM ***** for no word of a lie–past month. I can’t get more than 5 1/2 hours a night if I’m lucky at that. it’s intense.

and doesn’t it just fuck with everything too?? that’s the worst part about it is we already feel far from normal but lack of sleep just exacerbates the cluster storm of shit we already go through. it’s a loveless affair I tell ya.

gunnervin 7/13/2014 - 2:53 pm

Every. Fucking. Thing. Do you have any idea whats causing your insomnia?

killswitchon 7/13/2014 - 4:18 pm

psych meds permanently fucked with my circadian rhythm so now I’m pretty screwed. tweaked something in my brain and now I gotta deal with this shit. Ah well, I’ll pull through somehow.

gunnervin 7/14/2014 - 3:36 am

Ya meds are bad, I hope your not taking them anymore? Always best to take the natural route.
And Well you don’t know if it is permanent bro. It may not be and might get better again. You have a great attitude You’ll pull through this

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