Slept for 9 hours last night but I wake up feeling less happier than yesterday. I don’t know how many times I woke up in the middle but should be plenty. I feel less happier, less motivated than yesterday. How I can be happy one day and suicidal the next I don’t understand.
Well insomnia is not the cause for my state but only a symptom. The actual reason I suspect is some kind of digestive illness. I’ve lost a bit of weight. I have had horrible reflux since 3 years. Celiac/Crohn’s/GERD I don’t know what it is but I’m tired of stressing over finding out what it is.
I haven’t slept peacefully for the last 8 months and now I feel that I never will until I take that medicine which makes you sleep forever. I’m tired of fighting this illness day after day for the last 8 months.
Yesterday I felt normal and felt happy for a bit which made me think that I can start a new life. But that is followed by a night of bad sleep and today I wake up feeling so lost and suicidal. This has been the cycle for the last 8 months – Sometimes feeling hopeful and most times gutted. Now my memory is messy. My iq feels messed up. My consciousness feels messed up. Just Everything. I can’t fucking feel normal anymore.
I’m bloody tired of this shit and I’m edging closer and closer to taking that that final step which will make me fall asleep forever.
PS: I know I’m ranting but thats all I want to do right now!!