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Let’s try this out.

by greyacrylic

Um, hello.

I’m not quite sure if anyone is going to read this, or how this works in general, but I am just going to say what I feel like saying.

Usually, what was happening to me in the past couple of years, was that I would become moderately anxious and depressed when the end of the school year came around. I would go to my psychotherapist, and by the end of summer, I would feel just fine. This process repeated for about 2 years. 

But this year, I feel like it’s not like the “process” at all.

I started feeling worthless and depressed towards the beginning of the year, and then I started to relapse into self harming again. It’s now July, and nothing really has gotten better. I told my mom that I was “fine” and didn’t need to see my psychotherapist this year, (she was glad to not spend the money). I have had now three solid moments where I contemplated ending my life, given the fact that I am really a waste of space of nothing special. 

This past week, I picked up crocheting again, which has helped a little. I tell myself that I cannot kill myself until I finish this next project, which gives me little goals to work towards.

But what worries me, is what if I stop making those little goals? What happens if I no longer have something to cling onto?

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2 comments

Strife 7/7/2014 - 12:10 am

Establishing goals, however small, will provide you with a reason to keep going. Also, the feeling of accomplishment when completing those goals will give you a sense of worth. You’re not worthless, nor are you a waste of space, regardless of how much time has gone by. Reach out to those around you–those you can confide in when the depressive and suicidal thoughts arise. Take things one day at a time. I believe in you.

seppuku 7/7/2014 - 12:33 am

Welcome to the site. I’m glad you picked up crocheting as a hobby. I’ve been meaning to learn to knit, but am so depressed at the moment I have no motivation to try new things. Everyone has to distract themselves sometimes, too much time to think can make most of us depressed.

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