I’m not quite sure if anyone is going to read this,
or how this works in general, but I am just going to say what I feel like saying.
Usually, what was happening to me in the past couple of years, was that I would become moderately anxious and depressed when the end of the school year came around. I would go to my psychotherapist, and by the end of summer, I would feel just fine. This process repeated for about 2 years.
But this year, I feel like it’s not like the “process” at all.
I started feeling worthless and depressed towards the beginning of the year, and then I started to relapse into self harming again. It’s now July, and nothing really has gotten better. I told my mom that I was “fine” and didn’t need to see my psychotherapist this year, (she was glad to not spend the money). I have had now three solid moments where I contemplated ending my life, given the fact that I am really a waste of space of nothing special.
This past week, I picked up crocheting again, which has helped a little. I tell myself that I cannot kill myself until I finish this next project, which gives me little goals to work towards.
But what worries me, is what if I stop making those little goals? What happens if I no longer have something to cling onto?