Admittedly, I find myself at a strange place now. Before I was so sure about wanting to kill myself. But now–after having thought about my motivations for not just dying, but living as well–I don’t know where I stand. There is still some motivation for wanting to die, that much I can say with certainty. In fact, that motivation is still unconditional just as it has been. However, I’m afraid that somewhere in my subconscious, that motivation stems from something superficial. So I find myself needing to know what that “something,” is and once I do, I can act full-heartedly and decide with a clear head, whether or not I should live.
I’m so close to the answer now.
In other news, I always wanted to have written my own memoir before I killed myself in an effort to not be misinterpreted before I die. But now I’ve realized that I can just make a character profile for myself just like I’ve done for countless others. It’ll be a lot quicker and dare I say, more efficient.
4 comments
Well if you’re having trouble to decide if you want to commit suicide or not, then you’re not ready. Until you feel full-hearted satisfaction that you want to, then, and only then, should you act.
Well… the half-heartedness comes from not knowing the deep, deep reason for wanting to commit suicide. Once I have my answer, I’ll know what to do from there.
hopefully you find it soon. its a ***** to live in that kind of despair for an extended period of time. good luck.
I echo the echo of stabby’s echo here^