I’m not sure why. I just feel so surrounded by death. why are people in my family dying but not me? I know I’m fucked when I die, God will be so disappointed.. but why am I still alive? I have a good family, a few good friends. I’m not ill. I’m just so worn out and depressed I don’t see the point in life. it’s all so temporary.
used to ask God every single day for 38 months straight in jail to just kill me. lost who I thought was the love of my life. but I got past it and felt better. now I don’t know man, I’m so tired of living. my only joy is getting stoned and even then sometimes I think myself into oblivion. I don’t sleep at night, I don’t eat regularly.. I just want to give up but I don’t know how. I’ve stayed strong but I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to. I think about what death is like all the time.. it’s fucking eating my soul I can’t take it anymore