I posted not more then a day ago and didn’t really feel like I explained myself properly. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for years now. I have the tendency to care more for other then I do myself. I remember things I shouldn’t remember.
It hurts sometimes because I feel like the choices I made in my past drive me to wanting to commit suicide. I’ve cut my wrist multiple times and sometimes I can’t even cut deep enough because I get scared. I have no job, no real friends, and I barely speak to my family. I live with my boyfriend and he’s amazing. It bothers me that this isn’t my first attempt on suicide. And sometimes I wish I would just get it over with and swallow some sleeping pills while my bf is at work.
I hate that everywhere I go everyone expects so much of me and I feel like I can’t live my life. I have the constant need to satisfy people even if it makes me unhappy. I can’t say no half the time and I fear I’m always going to be too nice that people will always take advantage of me. I need help. I want to live but I feel like I never have a reason to. My boyfriend does what he wants because I let him be him, but it hurts me. He doesn’t cheat or talk to other women, it just bothers me that he makes decisions without me and it makes me feel like we aren’t together. I want to leave but I feel like I’m not strong enough to. I want to go home but I know I’ll just lock myself in my room like I always do. I shut so many people out just so I can cry. I cry more then ever. And I can’t take it anymore. I’m so depressed all the time and I feel like even though I try so hard to make people happy it’s never good enough. Tired of feeling like a disappointment and a burden. I’ve been taken care of a lot even when I don’t mean for them to. I sometimes starve myself because I feel terrible that I’m 23 years old and other people are taking care of me. Everything seems to go wrong around me and I’m tired of being a waste of fresh air.
Someone help me please.