why? i dont get it anymore why am i still here when no one needs or wants me i feel so unloved from family and even my own boyfriend we just argue all the time and now that i am put into another foster home i just cant do this shit anymore i feel so pathtic doing this shit again when i told myself i wouldnt fall this hard but sadly i did and thats whats the hardest to belive that in my darkest deepest hole that i can feel this shit and still am carrying on with this life. i really just need to end it all and then everyone can get on with their life without me which is way better for them i mean yes some of the people will be upset like my boyfriend but he can find someone better for him which is great that i know he can do better then a worthless hore like me. it may seem stupid as to why i put myself down alot and then want to be cheered up. people may say i am a attention seeker but im really not i just want to be cared for yes it is asking for some attention but not alot i hide my cuts i hide my slient tears that are always hiding behind my lashes but thats the way it has to be as i will never find happiness which is the sad thing about it.
so please someone help me at least, someone just give me some advice please i just need someone not to tell me that everything is okay cause i know that is utter bullshit so tell me either methods of suicide or help me out please or even email me at melissawitch@hotmail.co.uk
2 comments
Idiots. Why are there so many people on here looking for methods for suicide? Do some research kiddies! If you can’t think independently enough to even try to come up with a decent means of exit, then it’s not your time – you still have plenty to learn.
I get the whole ‘unloved’ deal, but the truth is that your life shouldn’t depend on whether you’re loved or accepted by others. It should be about who you love, who you can love.. the things that you admire and the things that you can cherish in this world.
I’m sorry that you’re in a foster home, but some day you will get out.. and should you live to that age, you should be prepared to hit the ground running to give your all to get the life you want for yourself.
You are an attention-seeker for putting yourself down in hopes of being cheered-up. But there isn’t anything wrong with that I suppose. It’s a bit silly in a way, because there are plenty of other ways for a person to show that they care for you. However I’m hoping that you don’t actually believe the words you tell yourself.. there’s no need to be self-depreciating.
With regards to your boyfriends, well, given that you’re still under foster care you’re a bit young to find the love of your life (although he may be the one).. so just keep that in mind – we don’t often choose the best suit/fit for ourselves on our first attempt. But just as yours, I’d like to think that a certain part of his heart will always be reserved for you no matter what happens that no one else can fill.
The fact that you self-harm and cry without showing anyone shows that you don’t want anyone else to see how broken your are inside. However at the same time, you want to self-pity yourself (and I can say that because I act the same). If you didn’t, you’d just be self-harming and crying to make yourself better and then that’s it – you wouldn’t be actively hiding it or showing off imo.
Sorry if this comment comes off as a bit harsh, and sorry that my writing is a bit jumbled and doesn’t really flow.. I’m quite tired, but I did want to respond. Feel free to contact me if you want someone to listen.. I probably owe you that after this rant, but I’ll try to be kinder if you do.
I grew up raised by two crazy Mormons who forced me to go to church every day at 5 am. I used to pray to God for them to die so I could be a foster kid. They still believe that I’m going to “outer darkness” because I strayed from the church. Only one person can make you happy… you. I’m still miserable though. But I still would’ve loved to have been raised under any other circumstances. Just be glad that as a foster kid you don’t have to memorize the Book of Mormon.