“And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depths until the hour of separation.”-Khalil Gibran
Today has been a heart-wrenching day. I woke up knowing it was the 2 month mark of when my little brother took his life. It has been a devastating loss that has shattered my world. He is a part of my soul and always has been and I feel tremendous loss.
And then I received an email this morning from a dear friend known here as Iamzero, stating that he was sorry but that he could not go on any longer and wished me thanks and love. Love for so many right til the end, just as my brother had. So compassionate. I am grateful for both of their words and their kind hearts.
I tried to reach him but he deleted all his accounts on here and email. So I do not know for certain, but if he has left, I wish him all the comfort and peace his loving soul deserves. I know my brother will welcome him as a brother. And if you are still out there somewhere, Kevin, if that is your name, it is never too late. You are not alone. Come to me. Contact me and I will find a way to bring you to me and surround you with people who are loving and understanding. I’m so sorry for the pain you have carried and you deserve so much.
Some of you may have seen Iamzero and I corresponding. We had many in depth conversations from our hearts and from our pain. Our words reached each other on a level that I haven’t been able to communicate with others before. His life, his story, his words, his heart, were that of a truly courageous individual who has faced so much sorrow. Someone who was so intelligent, who had so much insight to offer. I wish he could have told his story to the world and maybe comforted those who have felt devastating loss as he had. I know he comforted me.
My brother was the same way. An amazing light. Extremely intelligent, a visionary writer, and felt emotions to his core. Such good-hearted men who cared deeply for others and left the world far too soon. In such a cruel world, we need people like them.
And the world is amidst a wake-up call. With Robin Williams’ passing, more people are realizing the truth about depression and suicide. So with all the pain and heartbreak, I have hope that more people will understand that this affects so many in this world that we may not even realize, and we need to speak more openly about it. We all need to have compassion and understanding for all of humankind, and to help each other. We are all here together. I hope you all know how loved and special you are in your own ways. No one else is you. And the things we all feel, there is someone who can relate. So know you are not alone. I wish everyone here peace.
And to my brother and friend I will miss you both tremendously, remember you always, and carry you deep in my heart. I will use your stories to help anyone I can and I am so grateful to have had the chance to have you in my life. Thank you AnxietyGardener for also offering great suggestions and compassion and also Seppuku for the kind words. Much love and comfort everyone.
I dedicate this song to my brother and to Iamzero. This is the only version that would let me post from my phone, but I think the words express so much. The only thing I would change at the end of the song is that I will not forget you. Not ever. Everyone we come in contact with in this life makes a mark on us in some way, even in some of the briefest moments.
“Without You” by Breaking Benjamin