My life is a series of fucked up events and people, it’s my own hell. I have been hurt and disappointed so much in my life that I have shut down, I don’t truly trust anyone and I’m emotionally shut off. I was in love once or so I thought, and this past year I lost it all. Family, friends, and the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It’s over been over and yet I still talk to him, everything I keep doing is stupid. I want to let go to just leave all of this behind. But I can’t I need a job that pays good so that I can afford to pay tuition and move out. I never really realized how hurt and depressed I have been until now…And to be totally honest I don’t think anything I’m doing even matters, I want to die because I am a coward. I am too weak to face my problems but at the same time I’m tired of the pain
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Hey alina. I read through some of your posts this evening. Honestly, I find so much truth in your words. This life is our own self-made hell. All the missed chances, lost relationships, coming up short trying to chase our dreams… It’s defeating, to say the least.
I agree with everything in your post EXCEPT the part about you being weak. I even see a glimmer of hope. Why not try to start looking for a job with good pay/benefits? Who knows, you might find one willing to pay for your school? I’ve found life’s much easier when we’re working towards that goal of being free from the things that are killing us.
You seem like a wonderful person, whose peace is worth fighting for (whatever that may be). I’m really not trying to offer advice here, I just truly hope for the best for you, you’re long overdue a break from the pain.