I’m back, again. Most of you don’t remember me. It’s been 2 years since I last posted. Time has not been easy on me. I have a lot of changes, big changes coming up in my life in the next couple of weeks. Already, I have gone through several big ones, like losing many friends and my therapist, who were the only people I had to support me. Now I’m down to one friend that is constantly there for me, though he has major problems of his own. I feel like I’m losing every single thing that means something to me in my life.
My 18th birthday arrives in exactly a month. Every one expects me to look forward to it, just like I should be proud of graduating high school. But the truth is, I’m terrified. I only see my future as holding more hurt for me. Why should I be excited to grow up and be pushed into things that will only hurt me further? Why should I be happy that the only good things I’ve seen are gone, and I can never get them back?
I am naturally someone who tried to help people, even at my own expense. Tonight, I was trying to help my friend with a problem he was having, and since I had bad experiences with it, it was only hurting me. He didn’t ask me why I told him I was hurting, just said ok. So now I’m stuck with this pain, and no one to share it with any more.