This is a question that I am posting in hope of an answer, most of my other posts are simply because I need to get it off my chest, but this is a life situations I really need help on.
Maybe this isn’t the place to do it, but, well it links in.
I am a rape victim, I was caught up in an verbally, physically and sexually abusive relationship in my teens.
I have been with my partner for 2 years now, we have discussed engagement and everything is okay. That is exactly why I feel so trapped, it’s just so – ‘okay’. I mean we have these amazing romantic nights in, and go out on midnight strolls like it’s still the first few months, and everything we do is straight out of a romance. But, it’s the fact it’s with him. I don’t know how or why I feel like this, he is lovely to me, he is nice, generous, caring and devoted. He is physically attractive and active in the bedroom. I feel like I am not good enough to have him, and ontop of his the fact I don’t return his deep affections makes me feel so ashamed. I am aware other women would die for this ‘flawless’ man. But I can’t bring myself to feel the same way.
To the point where I have an intense interest in another man which has been going on for 6 months.
I know what is morally right. Pick a side, cut off romance with one or the other and stay completely loyal, but it’s just so hard. My current relationship is stable but makes me depressed. However this new ‘exciting’ option could fall down around me and leave me with nothing and I am completely lost on to what to do.
I do not want to hurt anyone, I do not want to hurt myself, I do not want to be lost back into the sadness I feel so many years ago when I found myself alone again.
What can I do.