General bipolar and low testerone by paingoaway 8/2/2014 written by paingoaway 8/2/2014 it wont get better. my life is ruined and over. i will always be sick. i might exit today. if i work up the nerve. i just miht. no bs. alwaysbetterlowmy liferuinedtodaywork 8 comments 0 Email Related posts End Game 10/22/2021 Birthday depression 10/21/2021 Why Are People Such A**holes These Days? 10/21/2021 I hate… 10/21/2021 They meant a lot. 10/21/2021 Recovery 10/20/2021 I Just Want to Go 10/20/2021 No choices left 10/20/2021 The brink of addiction 10/20/2021 I think I’m being abused 10/19/2021 8 comments Fro-not-so-zen 8/2/2014 - 1:10 pm I get you man. This life is hell. Do you have a gym membership? Whenever I feel like shit I go to the gym and when I’m done I’m able to conquer other tasks a little easier. It will at least get your test moving. I’m probably one of the few suicidals who can squat in the 400’s and bench over 300 lbs haha. Thats misery itself. Log in to Reply xanadu 8/2/2014 - 1:16 pm I can sit on a bench for over 400 seconds, but dunno about squatting. That sounds painful. Log in to Reply Fro-not-so-zen 8/2/2014 - 1:47 pm @xanadu lol how’s the new job going? Log in to Reply xanadu 8/2/2014 - 2:04 pm @Fro: Oh, you know how it goes; crippling doubt and uncertainty all the time, irritation at feeling doubt and uncertainty since they’re completely unhelpful and useless, but damnit all, forklifts are awkward as hell down narrow storage aisles. I’m already planning on getting into an engineering track there (the company pays all your bills, living and school expenses, but they keep you on as an unpaid intern) just to avoid having to drive one of those stupid things. Plus, playing with micrometers and stuff sounds freaking fun to me (yeah, I’m a geek). How’s you these days? I haven’t seen you around in a while. I was starting to worry you’d forgot about us SPians. lol Log in to Reply Fro-not-so-zen 8/2/2014 - 3:44 pm @xanadu Good deal, theyre lucky to have you on and it sounds like they appreciate their employees. I sort of did the same thing. I work in tool and die on the design side now, but I’ve worked on lines and machines with work orders in the millions and I’ve spent months on the bench on single tools. When I worked on the factory floor after our shift we used to race the forklifts around the 200,000 sq ft, warehouse. But yeh, you can add diminishing returns and total-roll-your-eyes-absurdity to the list. Aside from loss of faith I’ve been alright, I browse this site on my lunch but I don’t have much to say anymore. Same old, same old.. trying to stem the wide-open hemorrhaging of life pouring out of me day by day. Silence is the sound of a dying man I guess. Things are getting really weird as the world becomes increasingly radioactively hot and insane and telomerically disrupted, but I’m just looking forward to deer hunting this fall. And speaking of geeky stuff, I have this solid old 9×36 south bend lathe that I have to fix. A couple of years ago I was turning my own arrows out of carbon fiber on it. You sound like the type of person who just needs his own tricked out workshop to thrive and make a whole big creative mess. What else is new? Log in to Reply xanadu 8/2/2014 - 4:08 pm The world’s always a freaking mess in one way or another. Deer hunting, fishing, hiking in the woods – whatever helps keep you grounded is almost a necessity. I know how that is. I’ve never done any deer hunting, but living where I am now, it’s predictable that I’ll try and pick it up once my finances are straightened out a bit. For now, deer hunting with a car on the way to work is as close as I’ll get. 😛 I take it you bow-hunt? When you say you’re on the design side, is that like R&D? Most of the engineers at the floor I’m working on seem like quirky folks, but they get irritable as hell if you bother them with anything. I figure I’d fit pretty well, if that’s any indication of what sort of personality the job attracts. Back when I was playing around with flowerpot foundries, I really wanted to try out these plans I found online for building a lathe with homemade parts (cast aluminum), but I gave up on working with what I had – no resources to get the materials I needed to do it right, and just try melting four cubic feet of aluminum in a flowerpot. That will not end well. Now I’ll have the resources for it, but no space to work in. One of the many curses of living in an apartment. Heh, but it is what it is, I guess. Log in to Reply Fro-not-so-zen 8/2/2014 - 5:23 pm You’re telling me, I’m about to pay $600 for the local mechanic and paid crew to replace the water pump on my truck. I could do it myself for $70 max in parts and a few hours chilling to music except it’s forbidden in my apartment lease. The maintenance guys had a conniption fit when I changed my oil in the parking lot. Division is how the economy functions. More volume, more the spice flows, more margin to be skimmed. So the less you can do for yourself the better the system works. It’s all bullshit. My work covers just about everything from design to manufacturing. We are not big enough to have an R&D department. It’s kind of an in-process development and we all wear many hats. We have to, our competitors have hundreds of times the budget we do. I moved to a smaller company when the plant I worked at that was owned by a publicly-traded corporation installed a bunch of power-hungry women to rule the nest. I can’t take orders from women. But like you said, it is what it is and you work with what you have until you have what you want. Get a bow and go hunting. Sitting in a tree cures my hyper tendencies. Eh, I’m off to the gym and making dinner. I’ll be back later. google ‘dudley’s element paper’. You might find it interesting some relatively inexpensive ways to make a homemade furnace. Log in to Reply killswitchon 8/2/2014 - 6:59 pm @pain bro low T sucks immensely. My sex drive has been lacking for the past few months to say the least but im telling you physical activity works wonders. Like Froyo said the gym helps to churn the testosterone cogs and get em going. You’re going to get through this man. Bipolar can be tough but there are so many available options and treatments available–im speaking natural routes rather than pharmaceutical of course. I believe in you strongly bro. It’s just rough right now but giv’er time and you’ll see a change, if only in your perspective and attitude than that’s a gargantuan win. 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