i confided in 3 people about thinking of hurting myself, and they all judged me and abandoned me. i can never tell anyone about these feelings ever again i see. people always judge me. i lost friends and its like i never had that many friends at first. i wish i never told anyone, but just killed myself. it hurts deeply.
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Some people judge what they don’t know or understand. It’s a sickening thing. It makes those walls we built up, and that they may have knocked down, build even higher then before. If you do want to confide in someone, there are people who are willing to listen and won’t judge you. I promise.
Thank u so much. i hate being bipolar and having these thoughts. i dont know who to tell anymore. it hurts so bad. i didnt ask for this. jobs dont want me, people dont wanna be friends, people wanna lock people like me up. and they wonder why so many mentally ill become homeless. im in so much pain right now. i hope there are people out there who wont judge. most folks say they wont judge, but they do anyway.
I get that I lost everything when I said those things to people. I felt I was just being honest to people I cared about and they all left one by one. Even though most people will judge you it’s sad but very true the ones who don’t are worth finding. While I am new I would be happy to listen.
Yes they do. And it’s because they don’t understand the way we rationalize things. It sucks. Depression, being bipolar, anxiety, ptsd, all of it, they judge because they can’t put themselves in our shoes. We almost always feel like the only way out is to just end our lives or lock ourselves up so no one can get in. Being suicidal, you learn things about others. They say they care or that they won’t judge, but the first time you do anything or say anything that relates, they run off at the mouth or run for the hills because they don’t want to take on the responsibility of looking after us or making sure we don’t do something stupid. That pain you feel, I know what it’s like. Even if we don’t know each other, I’ll be here for you. I won’t judge you. We may think we’re alone, but we aren’t. We all need just that one person who can understand even the tiniest bit of what we’re going through.
thank u so much. that helps me feel less scared and alone. u have no idea how that makes me feel better.
No need for a thank you at all. Really. You don’t need to be alone. And I won’t let it happen. Day and night, no matter what time it is.. I will be here for you. You are not alone. You don’t have to go through any of this by yourself. I promise. I know what it’s like to be alone.
im hoping this job i start tomorrow goes well, and i can be there for my girlfriend and son, and it will help me realize i may not end up homeless.
also, ur friendship means the world to me.
They try to understand but never will. Unless something horrific happened to them which i would never wish on anyone. Having the mind of a depressed/ptsd/bi polar person is a complete curse. I have an able body im 29 and my mind tells me all the things i dont need to hear . Basically im in a constant war with my own brain. It hasn’t really gotten much easier. Ppl notice . And ppl fade away . And your left alone it hurts its sad and it makes it hard. I would truly give my right arm for it to go away in a heartbeat . Wouldn’t think twice . So… Yeah i guess i can understand . But it doesn’t feel very good that the only ones who do get it are the ones that are sick like you. Not very comforting eh. I haven’t had a true moments peace in a couple months at least maybe longer actually truly id say i never have had true inner peace ever. Any suggestions . Anything at all. After all we gotta help each other dont we . I love you . Hope you can deal with it better then me. All the best.
David 123, Try and find enjoyment in the small things in life. Also, keep searching for those who accept those who are different. I love you too, and you can always talk to me, as long as im here on this planet, have internet, am in my right state of mind, and am not locked up somewhere or dead. Im there for you.
I am sure it will go well. Just try and think positively. It’s hard I know, but it’s the small steps that count for the bigger ones we take. I’m learning this myself. I’m sure you won’t end up homeless. That is very sweet of you to say. Your friendship means the world to me too. I’m going to ask you a few things just to clear them up. I’m a female, what about you?
I am a 29 year old African- American male. Ask away, i feel very safe here on this site, and talking with you.
I am a 22 year old female. White. Not that it matters. To me, it doesn’t. We are all people. How old were you when this started happening? And that’s a good thing. That you fell safe here and talking to me. I would never do anything to displace that trust and safety you are feeling.
I was 16 when i truly noticed, but i realized i was different much younger. Middle school. I got on an anti depressant when i was 16, but got manic. After that, people started treated me differently. I changed schools. It was very hurtful. Also, i also dont care about race. I dont know why i said it, i think because most african americans look down on mental illness very badly. Im open to all your questions, it helps me not feel alone. 🙂
I know. I think that no that people look down on mental illness’ no matter what race they are. It’s a horrible thing to do. Yes, we have differences in us from people who are considered “normal” in our society nowadays, but that doesn’t make us any less normal then they person we are sitting next to. What is normal anyways? I was that age when I was officially diagnosed with depression, but I felt it when I was in 8th grade. I knew my way of thinking was totally different then everyone else and it made me make a shell around myself. Luckily, now I have a girlfriend who can understand that I do have mood swings now and then and that sometimes I just don’t feel like getting out of bed. Being a preteen and teenager dealing with depression, anxiety, or anything else is hard. Because we feel if we don’t fit in with our peers were going to be bullied. Even as adults, we feel as if we’re going to get bullied because there is something “wrong” with us. And it is horrifying. When I first tried to commit suicide, after that I was very curious about the way things were. Do you have a specific memory or time when you really realized that you weren’t sick but that you had demons that you couldn’t fight?
hmmm…i would say right now. I always felt empowered by a supportive mother (at times) and a great doctor (at the time). About the time, they i might not be able to be a provider for my gf and son like i wanted (even though i went to college). it devastated me, and made me suicidal. it threw me into a deep depression. up until now, i thought i could fight my demons. But there was a time in middle school, when my anxiety was so very high, that i realized that some things i have i cant fight, i just have to accept and deal with. I remember going into wal mart at a young age, and feeling severe anxiety for no reason. I realized then i would have a somewhat difficult life.
OMG. Unless you want to be locked up in a psychiatric hospital, STOP telling people you feel suicidal. I have been there and trust me, you won’t like it. Anyone you tell can call the police and tell them what you are talking about. They will come to your home and take you via ambulance (that you’ll have to pay for) to a psych ward. There. you will be grilled by 4-6 psychiatrists who will judge whether or not you belong in a psych ward. Of course, if that’s what you want, then by all means – keep talking.
what is your problem? screw u. these are people i trusted. screw u and i hope u get sick so u can know what it feels like.
What is your ailment?
Dido. I spent 2 weeks in a psych ward. I admitted myself. Oh and by the way this is a SUICIDE site !! Like really c’mon sanfranny!
i suffer from bipolar disorder, anxiety, and ocd. among other physica problems.
I would say that’s bad advice… If you feel you can trust someone with that information then I would say telling them could be beneficial…and a psych ward isn’t something to be afraid of if you need it. Movies and TV make it out to be some horrible punishment when it’s intended to help..
Eh…I agree with that first bit…..but in regards to the psych ward….the people here that have been in there give the general idea that its a punishment that has little hope of helping.
And in regards to you Pain…im sorry that your friends abandoned you..though the fact that they did shows that they were never really your friends to begin with..I hope you can find some real ones to replace them and get over the loss of the pretenders.
I suppose it depends on the circumstances, but in my case I admitted myself and thought that overall it was a positive experience. There are some misconceptions about it though. And if you have an idea of how you expect or want it to be and it ends up being different then i can see it being a horrible experience. Especially if you don’t want to be there.
But @pain im sure you’ll find more trustworthy friends. I won’t judge ;D and im glad you didn’t just kill yourself.
Thanks everyone. I blocked my ex friend from facebook, and she texted me MORE hateful stuff. So i told her to fuck off, and blocked her on my phone. Wow, some people really cant handle when someone is dealing with things that dont have easy answers.
Keep it up paingoaway you actually seem to have a better handle on things then myself . Oh my its hard . And your right people dont know what to do when they dont understand and then frustration sets in and then avoidance. It’s pretty well hopeless unless they’re goin through it or a professional. Do you have trouble functioning throught the day? Like normal day to day stuff. I’m really bad these days. Time is just flying by . I cant seem to get with it at all like i cant converse with people and i just mope and feel shitty most of the time . You?
yeah, pretty much the same. i am becoming suicidal because i see the pain in my girlfriends eyes, and i dont want her and her son to see me get worse, and feel like i cant support them because i dont love them. i start a job tomorrow, and i need for it to work, or im worried i might hurt myself, Im there for you David, as long as im alive im there for you.
i know rhe feeling about the gf thing. mine is a little different she is kind of distancing herself from me and spending more time with new friends and her mom. were apart now im at my folks which is horrible, but thats it. i grieve over her because she is the love of my life and she doesnt know what to do to help me and she doesnt want to be miserable. which i understand so i fear the worst. but im not gonna take it too bad cuz to be honest we both need to hea and be healthy and if that means moving on wel so be it. im here for you too man. im always online these days/ like one big long day the past few months!
Pain, just want to say something, I read through this thread, I have bipolar 1, it’s pretty severe, I was forcibly hospitalised 30 times in my life. Last few years I’m almost constantly depressed, virtually no so-called highs (even depression is preferable to psychosis).
I DO tell people I trust about my suicidal feelings. It’s human and totally normal to want to confess such things. How else can people even have a chance of helping? However, as you have found, they don’t always respond the way we might hope. In my case in all honesty I find certain professionals more reliable than friends (sad but true). I have a support worker and a counsellor.
I’m glad you have found a source of support on this site pain. I feel the same. Obviously it’s not the same as real life people but it’s most definitely better than nothing.
Im sorry seppuku. Im not sure if mine is quite as bad, but the doctor said if i come to the hospital again they would try to get power of attorney over me. Im not going to let that happen. I know my rights. Im glad you have help. if i cant do well in this job, im worried that i will hurt myself. i pray i dont though.
baby steps, baby steps.
how are you feeling today?
Im hanging in there. About to get off my lunch break and get back to work. Talking with you has helped with my intense loneliness and u all can share and empathize with my pain.