I am a 30 year guy who had been battling depression and self hatred for many years. As the years have passed I have to work even harder to mask my pain. I may have a college degree but I have been out of work for almost two years, have almost no genuine interest and continue to isolate myself. Oh, I also still live at home and have hate myself for not seeing the necessary steps to venture out on my own. I have no real desire to be in a relationship and find myself retreating when my anxiety levels increase or if no creative thoughts spring up. I write when inspired, yet such an outlet can only get you so far. I do not realize what skills if any I have and I’m tired of nightmarish dreams, and constant self doubt. I love my family and friends, yet fully divulging into what is bothering me is exhausting. In the end I’m afraid I may attempt to end it in a fit of anguish. If any responses to this, let it be known that I’m an agnostic. If your have a strong faith in a higher power, I am happy for you. In my case there will always been questions left to answer. Life isn’t easy and I know that. I’m just tired of feeling trapped and such. I have tried various medications and they do not seem to help. Heck, I have often wished to disappear but I’m afraid of hurting the people in my life that mean so much to me. I guess I’ll leave it at that for now.