I hate life, it’s such a rollercoaster

Hello everybody. I really hate alot of things about myself. I recently discovered that I’m transsexual. I’m an 18 year old attending college to get a mechanical engineering degree. I feel like if I transition I’m going to destroy everything I worked for because I heard that workplaces just hate hiring transgender people. I also feel like if I transition I’m going to end up still looking manly due to being fat, acne ridden and hairy. I am also half black and from what I researched and understand black male to female transgender people don’t transition well. And to make things worse I’m not able to start transitioning right now because neither of my parents will support my decision. I will have to wait until I’m 24 at the minimum when I have amassed enough money to start going on hrt and laser hair removal and live on my own. I heard the latter you wait in life to transition the less desired results you get. I’m not looking to become a model with a figure 8 body.  I just want to have a “thick” (I don’t mind having meat on my bones >.<) body frame and ultimately look passable as a woman. =/

It’s as if the universe is doing everything in its power to make my life harder… 🙁 Sometimes I want to commit suicide but I want to make my parents proud that they have one success story to tell within this family of failures. Transitioning to a woman is going to destroy my already screwed up family. I really just want to become a woman but I don’t have the right to be selfish enough to break apart this family.