I am very ashamed of myself. No, my life isn’t filled with constant despair, and I haven’t lost anyone important to me. Nothing that bad actually happened to me. Still, I really want to disappear.
My friends are much more distant than they were before, and I can’t actually mantain a stable relationship between me and my parents. I feel like there’s a hole where it should be my heart, and the only thing that makes me feel better is reading. If I talk to anyone, they’ll probably tell me to stop complaining, and that my life is much better than I think.
I feel like I’m worthless, and that everyone is trying so hard, yet I have alredy stopped. Sometimes I dream about how my life would be in the future, but when I wake up, I realize that it’s all a dream, and that it will never happen. I don’t think I have enough courage to kill myself, but I also don’t have any reason to keep myself alive.
When I actually get happy, I remember that I shouldn’t be happy, that I’m worthless, and I just pretend that I’m happy so people don’t have to worry. I’m pretty much living a lie, and I don’t remember the last time I was genuinely happy.