I’m 20 years old. This is my goodbye letter.

if you’re reading this it’s because I finally found the strength to do what I have threatened and wanted for so long. Think what you want, that I’m a coward or I’m weak. I can’t handle the thoughts or the pain of this. She was my entire world and my savior. I fucked it all up. I can’t forgive myself. I can’t forget. I can’t move on. I can never love someone else and now the only one who truly loved, accepted, and knew me is gone because of me. I don’t understand how she can move on. I can’t stand the thought of her being happy with someone who isn’t me. I can’t be happy with someone who isn’t her. If I had only realized before it was too late. If I had loved her the way that I should have, my life could continue. I have nothing now. She was my entire world. I have no friends to seek comfort with. I have no money to escape with. My family is of no comfort to me. I don’t have the sanity to cope. I drove her away because I am a failure, fool, mean, hateful, stupid and too blind to realize what I had. I hate myself and I can never forgive myself. I hate my life and everyone who comes near me. There is no bright side for me. I won’t seek another. I won’t tolerate this suffering anymore. She became my only reason to breathe. How can you hold on to a soulmate when you have no soul? She saved me from a life of loneliness and I drove her away. I won’t be alone. I won’t be without her. I told her to forget I ever existed. Now she won’t have to worry about me anymore.

I Loved You until my last breath.

-DML