my life is crap. it will always be. i have bipolar disorder. i will always have it. why should i keep going? im not even sad right now, im just being honest. I have two people who im living for, my gf and my son. I cant provide for them because of my issues right now, plus horrible economy. im poor, and black. i have health problems. i couldnt find love if my gf left me, which she might. I have 1 other friend. I live with my folks, and my family is sick just like me. Im thinking of killing myself, and writing a nice letter explaining why i made this decision. i post here often, but im really thinking about it. I mean, really, why shouldnt i end it before it gets too rough. I am a christian, and i believe i will still go to heaven. I dont have the means to do it yet, but i can get it. I do NOT want to die, i want to live a great, wonderful and fulfuilling life. I dont think it wil happen. i think i have a life of extreme pain and misery to deal with. So, i ask why should i continue? I bet noone can find ONE good reason. And that is my point. My time in this life may just be concluded. Its not so bad, i mean, i had good times. Im deciding.
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I understand where you are coming from. It’s difficult because even with chemicalsupplier’s spam bot I felt hopeful for just a minute. It is probably just a scam and too good to be true. It’s not worth wasting the couple hundred on a scam. I hope you find peace, living with physical pain makes life very difficult to cope with. It’s probably not going to get better for us. I was talking to a friend who put herself through college, worked really hard and got a full time job despite getting no support from family or government aid and it just made me realize how damaged and negative my brain is. Living with depression or bipolar makes even simple things seem difficult. I would suggest that you try and get some medication for the bipolar and you can take it or just fake taking it and apply for disability while you sort things out.
thanks for the reply alum. i already recieve disability. i think im going to end it though, its sad, but whatever. i refuse to be homeless
Howdy PGA, I’m not trying to be rude at all, just trying to understand –
What will happen to your family when you die? Will they be homeless? What do you think your son’s life will be like growing up without you?
*sigh*. Ur right. Maybe ill stay for them. They live with their folks, like i live with mine. He is not my blood son, but i consider him mine since i knew him since he was born. My family will be very sad, it will impact thier lives, but they will grieve and move on. If i stay, they may grow tired of me, and leave me one day because i cant provide well or at all. I love my son, I want to see him grow up and get older, and that is a reason to stay. Im just very very damaged goods, and i dont know how i can be a truly posiive impact on thier lives anymore. I know its sad, but im really trying to be responsible. Do you have any advice on me staying and living, even after reading my post? oh, and thanks for the reply, im not mad at all.
Any tips? My friend, if I had any advice for you, I would love to offer it… but I’m sorry, I really don’t. I do feel motivated when you post though, it’s motivating to know that there are others with families that struggle just the same. Just by showing up, you do more than you know. You encourage me to keep going, to try to be strong, and do the best with what I have at my disposal.
Thank you as well for the reply, and I definitely wasn’t trying make anything or any answer seem “right.” In your shoes, I would feel the same way as you do, except I probably wouldn’t be nearly as strong 😀
bro bro bro brah brah brah bru bru bru…dont dont dont do do do this this this. u u u can can can make make make it it it. but seriously dude u got a son man. id give anything to have a little mini me running around. if not ur gf than make him the priority to live for man. dont let these thoughts fuck with u. u can master ur mind and take control one thought at a time. it helps to vent on here but dont perserverate and ruminate and make it ur mental meditation day in day out. I think counselling would help you if u havent already explored that avenue i suggest u try it.
ur right. im trying to go to counseling when i can afford it. Im about to go hang with my friend right now. I just get so discouraged sometimes. This year has been hard. but ur right, i love my gf and son more than life itself, and i HAVE to live. I HAVE to. i will try to stay off these boards for awhile. And my son, he is wonderful. ur right, thanks again killswitchon, i know im crazy (literally lol). By the way, I really like your name, and picture. Is that a Final Fantasy picture, im so curious..
hey man pleasure is all mine seriously!! love encouraging u on pain! its indeed cloud strife from FF7. hes my blonde haired alter ego haha. gotta love that giant sword he swings around. is he overcompensating? we’ll let his girl be the judge of that ;p
LOL. That was my favorite game as a kid. its official, ur awesome.
nah man ur legen–wait for it–DARY!