No Reason to Live, but also No Reason to Die

I came to that conclusion myself and that state of mind is what kept my suicidal thoughts in check for the past 8 years.
But now perhaps I stop believing in what I’ve came up with.
Lately I have to consciously activate my self preservation instinct on my every waking hours, and it’s so exhausting.
It’s considered more tragic when teenager commit suicide because of what they might missed out on and the fact that thing will get better.
So when I see a 63 years old man, who may have 10 or so more years left to live, chose now instead of waiting, it seems like the waiting game might not be worth it especially when I probably have in excess of 40 years to wait.

Maybe I need to talk someone about this, saw there’re some local support group but i dont know if it’ll be good to be around other suicidal people (wouldn’t we all drag each other down and speed up the process?)