getting high to forget my lows. its become a habit for months now. I can’t seem to stop. The longest ive gone without being high had to have been 4 days. I know i have a problem. I just dont care to do anything about it, i mean whats the point?
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I like taking meds to feel like a zombie (painkillers, sleeping pills, others) so I get it. Never been high before unless what I’m doing is getting high… idk. I agree though I’ve lost all care and blown caution to the wind. Life really sucks and it makes it better or helps you forget.
I was doing this regularly (taking ‘downers’ like benzos and barbs) for about six months when I had pretty much lost all hope and felt my eventual suicide was an inevitability. I literally just wanted to stop my brain from its constant self-hating and dark, circular thoughts, even though the drugs made me a clumsy, stupid zombie, at least I didn’t care anymore. Now I have found a bit of hope, it’s not a dramatic change (those are not always good in any case) but I simply am not drawn to the drugs as I have other stuff to do and am giving life another shot. I hope this may happen for you too Yukik.
If you mind me asking, did you switch medication or just kind of power through it and come to terms with it?